The really messed up part is that holding the upper hand over you really diminishes her attraction toward you. I wonder if this is a big part of many women's sex drive "mysteriously" vanishing after the kids are born... knowing that he'll fall in line and take an awful lot of crap because they both know she can probably take his kids away any time she feels like it, and her possession of the upper hand kills her attraction and respect.
It isn't just kids that tend to do this. Marital dynamics in general set up the feeling of ownership of the Other. It is a license to take the Other for granted. I'm as guilty of this as anyone else. I'm not knocking marriage, just this issue in general. It makes me think that the sentimental expression "loving you forever" is just a bad move. There is a certain amount of positive will that married partners need to exert in order to keep love alive.
SM
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." Henry David Thoreau
