Another "trick" is to try to stop thinking about the past 10 years. Leave them in the past and focus on your future with your wife. Keep focused on what you want to have with her rather than on what you "don't" want to have. Try to look for all the positives in her and figure a way to share those positives with her in a way that allows her to feel good.
Yes, this is the place I am right now. I have been pretty successful at letting go of resentment and opening my heart to my wife. This is a pretty big turnaround for me, since I have spent a lot of emotional energy on protecting myself emotionally. Something that has really helped me is something I picked up in my meditation practice called lovingkindness meditation. I have found this to be really helpful in cultivating the ability to forgive. Both my wife and myself.
SM
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." Henry David Thoreau
