You are going to have to make hard choices. And I don't blame you at all for not wanting to make that choice. I would do everything possible to avoid making that choice but ultimately it comes down to what your W wants to do.
Looking back, I don't feel like I was not making a choice. I made a choice to tolerate a bad marriage and lack of sex so that I could keep the family together. I just can't choose that way any more. Life is too short.
I could feel the resentment tearing me up. I got to mid-life, and when I looked in the mirror, I saw my father. He has always had a baseline level of simmering anger that would cause people to walk on eggshells around him. It took me many years to make sense of it: it seemed like it took so little to make him angry, and he gets angry over the smallest things. He and Mom frequently bicker over the same unspoken conflict they have been having for as long as I can remember. I won't become that kind of person. And I do not want my family to have to suffer that kind of marriage.
SM
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." Henry David Thoreau
