W less angry with me, but not ready for piecing

[Lanzo]

Hello All,

I think I'll start to wind down this thread before I move over to piecing. But don't worry I'll still be checking out and helping newcomers for some time to come.

I'm glad to say that "W is no longer angry at me and wants to work on the M" (hey sounds like the title for my next thread).

It's been a hell of a roller coaster for the last 6 months and it has really taxed me both mentally and physically, but in all honesty the real work starts now to see if W and I can really make it.

What I'd like to do it to thank 3 people who helped me in the early days when things were at their toughest and quote some of their good words which helped me through. Also to offer some encouragement to those who are still in the battle to turn around their sitches and save their Marriages.

Look this is gonna be the hardest thing you will ever have to do. Trust me when I say that. The weirdest thing to me was the role reversal. Seems like wife becomes stronger and you are the emotional wreck. I was and still am stuck in the house with my Semi-WAS. Trust me it sucks to go to bed and feel the distance.

My new philosophy is "No Drama" trust me your wife will be surrounded by it. Stay away from it and make sure you are not involved in it. You will have plenty without outside help. Get back in the game. She will turn it on you. You will blame yourself. You will find your way. Listen to what she is telling you. You are about to learn more about your wife than you ever thought possible. She is about to learn more about you than she ever thought possible. Hopefully you can find your way together. I can't tell you it will work out for the best but it will work out for the better. Live in that and focus on your D you may find a lot of what you have been missing. I know I did.

Thanks Forrest you posted to me when I didn't have a clue what I was doing but you basically told me to go back home face W Anger. And boy was there anger, I couldn't believe a woman could get so angry and hostile but she did. "No Drama", that was the matra that got me through the anger.

Also this response of mine summed up how clueless I was at the time.

On myself and the actual changes I need to make to stop the D, I'll be honest and say I don't know where to start. I listen to her now, and I think the point is to listen and then read into the message which is being communicated. W has already said that I make changes but they don't last long and any changes now will be too little to late. So at them moment I don't know where to start.I have ordered the DB/DR books, they will arrive next week but in the interim I will take any advice offered.

Is she "using" you for other financial reasons? Don't allow her to go there even if it makes her furious! Why? B/c she will not respect you....and it is very important, especially at this point of the R that she respect you. She may be mad and say all kind of ugly things, throw fits, or whatever, but by God, make her respect you.

Sandi2 some very wise words, you gave me the WAW's perepctive and also told me to stand firm on money matters in order to gain some respect from W. (I think it worked).

Hey Lanzo! How are you doing today?

Just hadn't seen you lurking about. Hope things are going ok.

Puddlemuddle snafu You appeared from nowhere and became a friend and you gave me tips on when you thought W was beginning to turn. It was from this point that I started to understand DB better. Also I just looked forward to the friendly conversation you provided. You disappeared just as quickly but I know you're somwhere over in piecing.

Without you guys it would have taken my much longer to get the hang of DB. Thanks to everyone else whos followed my sitch.


For those of you still riding the roller coaster, DB works if you stick at it, are prepared to work hard, and have it in you not to give up especially when the going gets tough. "Nothing that is worthwhile comes easy" so just stick at it, never give up, even when you want to.


Ok I'm over to Piecing


Lanzo