Last night I had a very long conversation with a good friend from a separation/divorce support group I'm in. This past fall I helped her through a rough time with her boyfriend, lots of listening and words of support. I continually kept preaching DBing techniques to her and they worked beautifully! In the end their relationship was restored and is probably better than it's ever been. Last night she said a number of things to me that really helped. First she very clearly outlined what she thought all my strengths were then my weaknesses. After doing that she announced to me "Catfan I can't express just how much a a great guy you are, how you embody everything a woman would want..." (I can't express how much of a boost hearing what she had to say was to me. What she said was from the heart and having a good friend say these things meant even more.)
She went on to call a spade a spade too. She bluntly told me, "you can say you are done but I know you and I know deep down inside you aren't done. You love your wife and you still want to reconcile." She's right, deep down I still haven't let go, I've just loosened my grip a great, great deal. Again having a good friend call it like it is helped a great deal. She gave it to me straight, the good, the bad and the ugly. Which was exactly what I needed to hear.
So as BryanR said in the title of his thread, "Loving a WAS isn't easy". No it is easy, love is the choice we've made, a choice to have love in our hearts and let love rule us. What's hard is dealing with the rejection. Rejection brings about fear and fear is the opposite of Faith.
If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. - Mother Theresa
