You're not at all longwinded, limbo. But then I'm a big talker myself, so I appreciate someone else who is also. That's how you get all the important details, right?
Originally Posted By: limbo
I told him I just feel like running, leaving it all behind...he never flinched, he talked to me calmly, trying to help... ...he wanted me not to have to worry about us... ...He also told me he doesn't want me to let things get to this point again, and he wants me to tell him when I feel like this.
limbo, this is terrific for you! Finally you are getting a taste of what it's like to have a partner, a real partner. Someone who is always right in there with you when things get tough. Someone who supports you unconditionally. Someone who doesn't jump to the conclusion that if you're having a hard time then you must be doing something wrong, but instead perceives that you're a good, hardworking person who has got too much coming at her and needs some help with it.
The funny thing is, that IS the kind of partner my H always was for me, throughout the entire marriage. That's why it was so stunning for me to discover the yearlong EMA. The thing that saved me from a really ruinous emotional reaction to the marriage crisis was all the reading and research I did on male MLC, especially all the personal stories from both LBS and WS. The more I read, the more did I notice the commonalities of both words and actions of the MLC male during the crisis -- the men themselves and their marriages did not always have anything in common, but the symptomatology before and during the crisis was spot on. I found myself saying out loud from time to time "Do they all read the same textbook!" That is a trite expression of frustrated & angry LBS, but for me it was reassuring -- to be able to regard what was happening to H as some kind of a 'syndrome', something visited upon him from which he would hopefully recover -- that is what calmed me down during this past year.
I am looking forward to the Retrouvaille experience. It's hard to know exactly what we will get out of it, but lately I've been thinking it might be something along the line of learning/obtaining the tools for H to open up more to me and for me to be more emotionally supportive of him, once I find out what his needs are. In the marriage, H was always the nurturer and I was always the one who needed and accepted nurturing. Both of us settled for that, probably not a good or healthy relationship for the long haul.
