Hey Micheal - yes - "fantasy world" is a perfect way to put where our spouses are right now. I guess they would do anything for their children if it does not come before their own needs - right? IWB - I know I could never go that long not seeing my D - I just dont understand him. He has not even responded to us yet and it is Thursday morning. He did not even respond to my daughters vm on Monday night - "Daddy - its 6 oclock and I have my coat on - when are you coming". Im sorry there is just no excuse not to call your D back unless yor laid up in the hospital. Thanks about my job - Im taking it one day at a time. Sleeping is the problem. I lay down with my D at 7:30 and fall asleep with her and then I am up making coffee at 3:30 in the morning so by 4:00 this afternoon I will be yawning at work. I have to get on a new schedule. I guess its just all new - our nightly routine - its just the two of us. Im still lonely.
Here is a link to a really good publication our gov't has put out: Parenting After Separation . It's Cdn law, but most of it is about day to day issues regarding parenting.
I should have told you that this is a link to the website and you can download the publication (no $$ req'd). Just go back and click on "Parenting After Separation" and you'll be linked to the site.
But now about your sitch, you are probably right about your H thinking that you and your D are a package. That may very well be why he keeps bailing - he doesn't want to face you. Let him stay in his fantasy world - there is no way to pull him out and trying to do so will only fail and come at a huge emotional cost to you. Detach as much as you can. He is lost in a fog, he doesn't see what he is doing, he doesn't care. One day he will, but you can't sit around waiting for that to happen. Maybe you just shouldn't tell your D when he says he wants to see her - that way she won't get her hopes up. If he shows, it will be a wonderful surprise for her, if not, only you know.
You're also right about a schedule - it will save your sanity right now. I was so lonely and exhausted doing everything myself, plus the weight of my emotions, I felt like I was sleepwalking most of the time. Until we got ourselves into the right schedule. It was good for me and essential for my D. And I see now how having our schedule disrupted has wreaked havoc with her emotionally.
I think about you often and am sending good vibes your way. You will survive this and every day you get stronger. One day you will wake up and surprise yourself by saying "I'm going to be okay", and it won't sound like a lie.
FA
What does not destroy me, makes me stronger.
FA:43, H:42 D:7 M:10 yrs, T:24 yrs EA:?, PA:1/06 S:3/07 EA/PA ongoing Aborted attempt to move home 07/08
Yes - your right - I should not tell my D if she is going to see him so she wont be disappointed - hes not reliable now. H emailed me 5 days later - 5 DAYS - said "sorry about last Monday and not showing up I had to work." Well Im sorry but thats still not acceptable - there is no excuse for not calling that night or even the next day after your D leaves a voice mail "Daddy I have my coat on where are you - I'm waiting". Working - yeah right. THen he says well can I see her this Monday night. I just feel like not even responding. Im just so tired. Trying to detach as much as possible.
Just rec email about cell bill - we are still on the sharing plan for our cells - I just ordered a new one on my own account but have not told him yet - he was mad I had called the 411 directory a few time and to please not do that its expensive - which is a valid complaint - but this coming from a man who gave his lover a third cell phone - and we were a trio on the family plan together and I had no idea - and who ran up cell bills texting each other 100 times a day. Of course I will not respond that way but thats all Icould think - some nerve. I never responded to his last email on Fri eve to see D tonight. I have to though for my D - Anyway court is tomorrow and we will be officially sep.
Unbelievable - aren't they. The family plan - how low can you go. I feel like emailing H back the cell phone bill from August when they were carrying on when we were together showing all the texting charges and her cell phone over the plan charges. I really want to. But instead of him taking a look and saying to himself oh shes right - I have some nerve - He will twist it around as always - see I asked her nicely and this is what I get and there she goes bringing up the affair again. And I will just be giving him the satisfaction that he can annoy me still or show that I was hurt but I am so tempted. I called H today on voice mail and said sure you can see D - can you pick her up from aftercare so I have some time to run errands and what time are you bringing her back? No response - never showed. Then I receive email I did not respond to his email from Friday soon enough. We are supposed to have set visitation - he does not want set visitation. HE wants the freedom to schedule visitation whenever it suits him. He cancelled his set visitation 3 weeks in a row and now want to shedule visits here and there when he feels like it and if I dont respond promptly he gets pissed off and does not respond. His last visit was 1/3 - over one month. This is what is so frustrating - I am dealing with a person that is so selfish and selfcentered. Its everything - the gall of the cell phone bill and not taking into account he gave his lover a third cell and he has the nerve to email me about a few 411 directory call and the visitation - here I am trying to accomodate his schedule on sometimes a days notice when set visitation would be to my advantave because then at least I could have some time to myself and plan something. SO Im doing him a favor but all he sees is oh shes giving me a hard time not responding right away. I dont see how we will ever reconcile even if he had a complete change of heart. The man has no remorse for what he has done to me and has twisted everything in his head about what I am and everything I do so he can say look I tried to be nice.
My H and OW saw nothing wrong with her calling our home, and vice versa. H said "Its cheaper than using our cell phones". Ok. Whatever. One time he let my D6 talk to OW on the phone. He denied this with a passion until I told him OM had recorded the conversation.
You can do nothing about your H and this visitation thing, other than to protect your D (not telling her in advance about the visits, in case they are cancelled). Let him falter, document, but stick by the visitation schedule times. If he wants more time, say 'fine', but don't count on it. Its one thing to let you down (awful), but his own daughter? Awful.
Calling your home Iwb - thats awful to bring the affair into your house. And to talk to your D? She must have been confused. Unbelievable. What are they thinking? Thanks for your advice I am documenting everything - went to court today and he lied and said I wont let him see her but I do have documentation so because we disagreed the judge will have a court guardian talk to my D and ask her what is the truth. My D is right in the middle. I dont know what she will say because I think she will be afraid to tell the truth that Daddy will not see her if she says anything bad about him.
