Yes, the NC helps. It has come to light in all this that my H has been dishonest for a long time, something I knew and lived with. That dishonesty did a real number on me. Gaslighting takes it toll. The dishonesty ate away at our marriage for years and only got worse. Can my H get back to a place where he sees that being honest and taking responsibility for ones own actions and feelings is the only way to have a relationship..any relationship even friendship..I don't know.
What I do know is I stood by as I saw it happen. I could not change it, as dishonesty is a person decision. But I knew it was happening and put up with it. No more. The boundary I have drawn is no more dishonesty. I can no longer listen to lies or take blame/responsibility for someone else's behavior. It destroyed my sense of self respect (worth) and my trust in my self.
As they say in AA, my life became unmanageable. To deal with dishonesty day in and day out erodes all communication and ultimately erodes intimacy. It colors everything. My H is now with another woman who has the same values. Who takes no responsibility for her action (as seen in her email to me) and is willing to lie to get her needs met. They are partners in crime. I wish them luck with that..doesn't work for me.
