Tied to the Whipping Post

[Punktmann]

Journaling a bit here.

Things were going a bit better, at least how we were interacting. She went to her annual dinner party for work on Saturday night, I felt that one a little bit.

I wanted to keep my mind out of there, so I made plans for Friday and a superbowl party on Sunday. I had a little too much "fun" on Friday, I'm not a kid anymore. Sunday was great, very relaxing. Good PMA to offset Saturday's sting.

She's been talking to me about work more lately, and it sounds like she's very unhappy there too. (I have gotten the Validate bit down in that area!) That makes me kind of sad for her, I thought that she was pretty happy there, she has been using it as an escape so much for the past couple of years.

I guess that's part of the MLC, so much unhappiness, and needing an escape.


Yesterday I had to go in early, so I had to wake her up to get my clothes out of the closet. She asked me if I would talk to her about the upcoming settlement conference after work. I got apprehensive about that, I couldn't see it going well. I asked what about the settlement she wanted to talk about, thinking that I would limit myself to the kids, not property. She said she hadn't received a letter back from my atty, and wanted to know if I was stalling b/c I don't want this. I told her that I was not stalling, that she should have had the response, and that she's right, I don't want this. I broke it off there and left.


Last night, we did talk a little about the settelement. Thank god, I managed to limit myself to the kids and house. It didn't go well, I didn't expect it to, but I think I did a good job for the most part.

I told her that I wasn't stalling or trying to stop her. I told her that I had talked to my mom about asking for a continuance, but had later decided against it. Mentioning my mom made her sad, she asked if I would tell her hello the next time I talk to her. I told her that I would.

She said she only sees a couple of disagreements, where the kids go to school, the house, and the money. I agreed, although I expect there will be more.

I told her that I wasn't doing anything to try to screw her over. She agreed and said I know that you are doing what you (she emphasized "you",) think is best for the kids. I agreed and said, I have to do what I think is best for them, and you have to do what you think is best for them.

[Punktmann]

Journaling part 2

She asked me why I want to keep the kids in their present school district. I told her that I thought it would be better for them not to have that change right now, but that I wasn't ruling out moving them later. I said that I think it would be better for them not to have that change too. She said S4 is already in day-care in town. I agreed, and said with the size of the school district there, there is no guarantee that he will be in K with any of the same kids, and I think it's a lot more important that he go to the same school as his brother. (I didn't even mention the logistics of this.) I said this is going to hit them very hard, and I don't want them to have that change too.


She said can't you see that it would be better for them not to have that commute? Can't you see that they would spend all that time in the car, and that I wouldn't get them home until 7:30. don't you think it would be better for them to move to a school in town closer to our jobs?

I find it interesting here that she didn't appear to think about their schedule on the weeks I have them. Her intent to move into town will only affect their commute on the weeks that she has custody, and their schedule will stay the same on the weeks I have them. The Fog, I guess.

This wasn't the best thing to say, but I said, that's your choice, that isn't my choice.

Naturally this sent things straight downhill.

Later, she said I would have liked to have come to an agreement over this. I said I would have to.

She said we're not going to agree about these things at the conference, I said, probably not.

She said we will have to go to trial, I guess this is where things get ugly, where we have to drag our affairs out into court. I said I guess it is.

She said some f-ing judge is going to decide how our lives will be. I agreed and said, That's how these things go.

After a few more minutes, I said that I thought we should let the attorneys handle these aspects of the D because it always leaves her upset.

That was about it, but there has been a lot of anger from her the rest of the night and this morning. Almost all of my replies have been, I'm sorry you feel that way, & I'm not fighting with you.

So, here's the good news. No expectations, no massive drop in the rollercaster. Just a little dissapointment.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Punk:

All American Rejects

"Move Along"

Listen to it.

[Drew]

Punk:

You handled the legal stuff with her like a pro!!! Keep it up!!

They're like little babies who don't get their way.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

I must admitt to taking a perverse pleasure in the reactions when things did not go as 'planned'.

Not that I gloated or that it was evident.

But it was nice to see that sometimes life wasn't fair in my favor.

[missmyfriend]

Punk, you are really doing well. I know it may not seem that way because she isn't responding favorably. When it comes to the D itself, it is a balancing act where you show her that you love her but you still have to look out for your entire family (including her).

[AliSuddenly]

Punk,
Why is she sooo angry? I talked to my C about this, she said anger is the other side of depression. Might be they had repressed anger from childhood (so comes spilling out all over the place once they let it out as adults). I just wondered, do you know why shes angry, is she angry at you? At herself? At her old self? At the sitch?? Seems wierd shes so angry, I notice you have mentioned it before in your posts.
Ali x
--------------------
Me: 36
H: 34
LT: 9 years
ILYBINILWY: 2 Nov 07
Own apartment: 26 Jan 08
my sitch

[Punktmann]

Jack,

All American Rejects

"Move Along"

WOW...

Awesome band, I've already put 4 of their songs on my workout playlists.

THANKS!!!


I must admitt to taking a perverse pleasure in the reactions when things did not go as 'planned'.

Not that I gloated or that it was evident.

But it was nice to see that sometimes life wasn't fair in my favor.

I know exactly what you mean. While I don't want to make this harder on her, it seems somehow gratifying that what I am standing for in the settlement is right down the line on what D law is for my state. I surely don't want to be self righteous, (she called me that the other night when I refused to engage in an argument by consistently replying w/ "I'm sorry you feel that way," and "I'm not going to argue with you,") but for some reason it makes me feel good to just let things go, and to stand by what I believe is right w/o fighting with her.

What a relaxing feeling in a tense situation.

It IS nice to see that, sometimes, we don't lose.

Sometimes, we draw.


Best to you and your's Jack.

Punk

[Punktmann]

Drew, I doubt that anyone could say it better than this....

They're like little babies who don't get their way.


I am consistently amazed at the outrage she displays when I say that I want to split everything down the middle.

WTF? How old ARE you?

Note to self..... 13....for the time being.


Thanks for the vote of confidance. Even when we know that what we do is right, their fog seeps out to confuse us amd make us doubt.

Punk


Sigh....

[Punktmann]

MMF, thanks man. I feel really well for the most part.

For the mostly most part, (if you're a DR Seuss fan...)

Anyway, I've been doing pretty darn good at being caring, nice, and gentle in response to her anger and "spoiling for a fight," attitude.

It makes me feel a lot better about myself, and it is a long run approach to this sitch, whatever may come.