Reclaiming myself and my life

[saffie]

I think I need to keep more to myself and not think about "what she's thinking". Whatever it is, it's about leaving, being free, something different in her life.

I think you are spot on here Frank. I know you want insight into what your W is thinking but you are a clever man and know that there could be many explanations for any of your W's actions. Too sift through them all looking for answers is a fruitless and painful experience. I can understand your W talking about leaving and running away - not because of you - but just because as a family you are in a tight spot and to run away and forget would be a comfort to her - I have felt like that on many an occasion. Thing is - it's not an alternative for most of us - and even though your W MAY TALK about it you don't know for certain that it is an alternative for her. It might just be that thinking and voicing those thoughts are what gets her through her day.

So I guess I am suggesting that instead of picking up on every last detail of her behaviour, try and block it out like it was background or 'white' noise - for your own sanity.

I know you can't ignore the financial state of things - and nor should your W, (to buy another copy of a book you already had in your house was just ludicrous when money is tight)- but can't you try to ignore the EA? If it's something you can't actually do anything about at the moment, worrying yourself over it doesn't achieve anything apart from perhaps detract from your ability to function at greater strength in other areas of your life.

The more I observe this situation, and the more I read posts like yours, the more I see I need to calm down and just get ready to ride out the storm. However it ends is unknown but no matter what I'm getting too worked up with all these interactions with her and with the hurt.

It was so good to read this........to see you voice this realisation that it is getting you too worked up.