As odd as this sounds, I feel like a weight has been lifted off my chest and I can breath. I physically feel this way. Mentally, I'm really excited about the future. I didn't do much changes to the house because I didn't know if I could keep it, so I'm planning on some color schemes a kitchen table and some small things I can afford right now. I'm going to start fixing some things that are broken. I didn't bother before since I thought I would lose it.
I think I have managed a way to figure out how to bring some more income in, so that I won't need a roommate. That will be nice with S here so much. I don't want to worry about him touching or breaking someone elses stuff, plus if they are bringing women home with him here, etc...
The future is so bright, I think I gotta wear shades. I don't know how to explain it, I just feel like a caged bird set free. I'm sure I'm still dealing with the shock of it all, and there will be down days, but ya know, life is what you make of it. I know there are good women out there, you have all shown me this, and I thank you females for showing me such great examples.
For those of you guys that are out there, you can be a man, and still cry and hurt. Confide with the guys, I think that is important. Hug someone everyday, tell those around you that you love them and care for them in thought, word, and action. Don't be afraid to show some emotion.
All I can say is I'm so grateful for what I do have. I have an amazing life and it is only going to get better. I feel horrible for the hell that my W now must go through. She is truly distraught, and even after I said to not be upset over her decision she got what she wanted, her freedom, she gave me a go to he((. Oh well, guess we can't be friends for a while. Someday this will change. That will be nice.
Well I'm on the market. Just kidding, I'm just going to go have fun. I plan on staying away from purposeful dating for a while, i.e. joining websites etc...I'm just going to go out and enjoy friends, smile and see where life goes. That is so cool to think that I don't have any clue what tomorrow will bring.
I'll keep in touch with a close friends here, and post a little when I can, but it is time to ramp it down and wrap up the D. I'm going to still try and help her, she is the mother of my child, but she gets no more special treatment then that. Lots of boundaries need to be set now.
I'm truly grateful for all of you. Without this site, Micheal's words, your encouragement, and this BB, I would be in the darkest place. I went through that hole and never want to see it again. Alcohol and depression had a huge grip on me. I wasn't a great DB'er, but in the end I did it all for me, and I'm happy. So for that I thank you.
I also want to say, it's not I'm giving up or throwing in the towel. I'm just going to be me, and whatever comes my way R wise will only be that much greater. Maybe one day she pops back into my life, maybe not. For now I wouldn't want it. But I am and will continue to be a better person for having gone through this. I have learned so much. Women truly are a gift from God for us men. They can give you that feeling that makes you float on air, but they can rip it away just as fast if you don't cherish just how wonderful they truly are. Be kind to the ladies in your life, notice the little things, the hair the kind words, comfort them and be their rock. They will lift you higher then you ever thought possible.
