The Deal With The Devil

[Jack_Three_Beans]

I am with BND and IMP and all others who support you.

All we are here really are cheerleaders.

Advice given here, and often too freely (no fingers pointed, so don't get offended), is advice that can really affect someone's life. I mean REALLY affect someone's life and relationship.

God, I hope that no one here is that much of an automaton, to not weigh the advice offered.

My advice is tempered by my reality, and my reality is based upon my perceptions of the events that have happened or are happening in my life.

I disagree with some here including you, I believe they do try to come back, I do not believe it is in obvious manners in all cases. But that is my perception, you know?

Much like BND, I got that talk you H gave to you, my wife came back, that's my reality, and so it affects my advice.

Hope, you have gone through more than most, if you're done, Good for you, enjoy your life. You deserve it, nowhere in my posts to you did I say you haven't stood long enough, nor where my questions guilt laden to that effect.

Like IMP,

DBing is self help.
DBing does get lost in the MLC label. Too much time is spent focusing on the wrong things with the MLC label...and I think that MLC label is mistakenly applied to 'hopeless' realationships...because even as crappy as MLC is...it is still hope. It is a straw to grasp at.

That door analogy...yeah lets just blow that out of the water. opened, cracked, closed...blah. If he comes back, and you recognize it, you have a choice of letting him back into your life. Hence the door. Whether that choice is easy or hard is mostly up to you.

[Lissie]

I say this with the deepest respect to you and many others that have posted; why is it that so many think eventually my H (and so many others) will eventually want to reconcile? From what I have seen, even here on this BB, most do not return. Even some of the "old timers" that post advice here are still not reconciled. So I do not understand the line of thinking that "in his time", he will be back.

((((((((((((((((((Hope))))))))))))))))

It's a crap shoot isn't it?

Javier has told me everything that your H has told you.

He even cried at our Divorce hearing for God's sake.

But in the end, we are Divorced. Is he ever really going to come back?

Jesus, who knows, but I'm not gonna waste away trying to find out.

Your H right now, can't do this.

Will he ever do this?

Jesus, who knows, I don't want you to waste away trying to find out, and you won't.

You are in school, you are GAL, you are praying about this, you are a wonderful dear friend to me and to many others.

You have a wonderful family.



You stand for your self sweet heart. And you know that, and You are going to be fine.

We can vent about being upset, and missing our H's. Ofcourse it is natural.

But for the most part, you are being realistic about your situation, and making healthy choices.

Luv ya

NO ONE IS saying don't stand for your marriage, I cringe when i see it posted.

I feel like it is so personal, to stand or not.

That is within you, and it is about you. And NO one else can make that decision for you, or try to sway you in any direction.

[always_14]

((( hope )))

My sis.

My only wish for you is that YOU are happy. I think we all agree on that.

We have seen each other through so much. This is all so sad that things turned out this way at all. That sadness is independent of whether they come back or not. It's important to know that, so that you're not hoping and trying for something just so that you don't have to be sad about the events of the last 2 years.

I am so proud of you. I am with Lissie. I am proud of your bold move, of choosing to be where YOU need to be, where it is good for HOPE. I am proud of your classes, your new career path, of thinking of your financial future, of getting out there and meeting new people. I am proud of you for being healthy again, and for looking toward healing no matter what the end.

Right and wrong is only your standards and what you choose for the rest of your life.

I admire you, and especially your H, for your honesty. This is rough. It's not all a bed of roses. In fact, it can be the very thing you feared and cannot stand. It can be everything you never wanted, or maybe all is OK. I admire you for being one to come here and tell the truth, as it is. I admire your H for being raw and telling the truth. For not sugarcoating your feelings, your reality. For being honest about the ups and downs. I admire your purpose with this post, which is to tell the truth about how some stories do end. I admire your pursuit of HONESTY. I admire that you guide others through what is real in your life, and not just what you want to portray.

Each one of us only knows what is real in our life, our situation. We can only make a guess to MLC, what it means, and the stages it might take. There is no magic blood test to say whether he is out of MLC. We can't guess to what he might really mean with his words. We are not scholars in psychiatry or MLC to say that the trend is that they all come back if you wait long enough. There are many here and in life who are years past the bomb and no sign of returning. Then there are some who do reconcile. Who knows.

I have to say this. To say that reconciling the marriage truly lies in the hands of the LBS, and that most do come back if you wait long enough and want it in the end...implies that the fate of your marriage is in your hands. While I think there is a lot that you do that does matter...I also firmly believe that there is only ONE fate that IS truly in YOUR hands. That is YOUR fate. Your life, your future. That is the only thing you can shape.

You have been a saint in patience, in love, and in grace. You have been my inspiration on many days, and my dear friend on many days when I called you sobbing. I don't know anyone who has done it like you. You have shown your H all the love in a return path home, you were a wonderful wife. You know, well enough, especially now, his thoughts on a choice for a possible D have nothing to do with you, but mostly with him and what he can live with. I don't agree with him, but only he can decide what he can live with. And, it takes 2.

Again. Back to what is really in your control. Just like we say that none of this was caused by us, I also believe that the crazy path of the crisis and final outcome, is also not caused entirely by us. Don't put that pressure on you. You have done everything right. More than right.

I believe that when my XH zonked out (for real), I could have been a Rhode Scholar supermodel, with the keys to a Porsche in one hand and $1 million in cash in the other, and he still would have left.

I also believe that I could have cooked out of Gourmet, been Perfect Wife, and offered to die or do anything for him, and it would not have kept him or reconciled it.

This is such a double edge. We hear, even from former MLCers, that nothing the LBS does would have mattered, but that little things did matter, basic things. We all, and you, did those basic things. Love, compassion, forgiveness. Trust that you did what really could have made any difference at all, if any. The rest, well...back to the supermodel analogy!

But, I will say that your H has been vocalizing his reality for a long time. He has been as sincere as he can be, with what he knows. Who are we to doubt the sincerity of his words. If we are, then we take the meaning out of his sorry, out of the depth and care of his answers to you.

I don't know what your ending is. I only know that you are an amazing woman, and I trust that it will be what you feel is right in your life.

I'm always in your corner.

[Cinderellaman]

(((((((((((((((HOPE))))))))))))))))))

Your friends have spoken beautifully of you. I am sure that you will make the right choices in life, for with such praise and love, one can conquer the world !

I wish you the very best and know that you have it in you to get through this.

May God Bless you sweety ....May God Bless you !

[Lissie]

I believe that when my XH zonked out (for real), I could have been a Rhode Scholar supermodel, with the keys to a Porsche in one hand and $1 million in cash in the other, and he still would have left.

ROFLMAO

You are so exotic

[always_14]

OMG.

Shakira is WAY more exotic and beautiful....

Speaking of...where is she?

[Lissie]

No Levitra is more exotic and beautiful

[dixiegal]

I just wanted to send my thoughts your way. I think H is consumed by the guilt. So much he cant see anything else. My H is the same. I can relate. I dont think he is coming back either HE wont allow it us to move forward. Though he would keep coming over every week forever w/nothing further.

I pray that there is still hope for yall. Even if I dont have any for us. He is talking to about his feelings.

[Holly06]

Who's Levitra?


(JK)

[hopefloats7]

Yeah, who's Levitra? Isn't that a drug, Lissie?
lol!

I'm so grateful that so many people here are caring and kind. Thank you for all the posts.

H is coming up in a couple of weeks, to get puppy. I have a feeling that given his recent ability to open up, it ought to be a very enlightening visit. I don't know if he is staying over; he may just come up for a few hours. Perhaps that would really be for the best anyway. He has told me via text that he is very sorry he left me, but "what can I do?" and that he wants to move on. He's sorry that it isn't going to turn out the way I would want, he told me, but he really wants to move on. With himself. Yes, that's what he said.

I told him I am not stopping him from doing anything; he can and will do what he wants. I also told him I will be with no man who I would have to talk into being with me. I don't need to do that. I wouldn't want to get back with him unless he was 100% sure about it.

He did not reply to me. I know that he just wants to move on now and not be reminded anymore of what he did.

So, he will come get puppy and it will be sad for me. But I have to do it, and get through it. I keep thinking, how many times have I watched this man drive away from me now? Far too many.