She's gone...I'm devastated, but hopeful

[minkerman]

LN, I don't mind answering at all.

-I had an affair 12 years ago.
-We never discussed it from that day on; I was too ashamed to look at or discuss the reasons it happened.
-She built up incremental resentment over those 12 years. Day by day.
-She was unhappy, and every now & then she would say so, but I brushed it off.
-Eventually, every little thing I did which made her question my devotion became a fact in her mind.
-I was unaware of how bad it was for her.
-She had enough and told me she couldn't take it another day.

That's it, in a nutshell.

Now, put this together with the fact that I met her at 16, I was her first and only lover, and she has never, ever done one thing in her life under her own steam. That's why I understand why she is at a crisis point, and this is really so much about her. I just provided the fuel for her justification, though what I did was horrible and almost unforgivable.

We still love each other. We still LIKE each other. Over the past couple of weeks her tone has softened...she has lost the defensive edge. I really need to let her be and hope she finds her way back to me.

Her best friend, who I don't know that well (single, kind of a bar-hopper) tells her she is crazy and tells her she is in MY corner, not W's.

Her mentor and business coach tells her the best thing in her life is probably right under her nose.

But she has the strength to stick to what she has started, and she said she is deathly afraid of making the wrong choice. She is adamant that this time alone, with no TV, no outside influences, and limited interaction with others, is what will allow her the clarity of mind to make her choice about what the last 1/3 of her life is going to look like.

I can't push, I can only let her know that I am here, waiting on 3rd base, to be waved in.

We cancelled the sushi...she really wants to start hitting the gym and Wed is my only night off of my GAL plan. We will do lunch one day this week instead.

I know that there are a ton of positives in my sitch...and I honestly do weep when I read some other folks' sitches here. because I feel what they are going through. Doesn't matter how bad your sitch is, it is yours and it hurts the same for everyone. The most important thing in your life has just been snatched away.

So that's why we are all here...because misery loves company, and we are the only ones that really understand each other.