Here in lies the problem. For most of my life worth has been determined by worth to others..you know the over responsible, fixer, rescuer. Typical of children of alcoholics. When I was younger I left home and never returned. I finally was able to put up and keep boundaries with my parents as it was best for me. It never felt comfortable. At that point in life my self worth was slowly growing. Then I met my H.
For many years things were good..but the trap was there. The wife who would do anything to please and the H who wanted always to be the center of the universe. Talk about exhausting. For me. Basically I felt used up. And I was.
Since he has been gone I have bounced back big time. But I notice when he comes back into my life I start to weaken.
Okay this time no more falling in the hole...take another street. My gaol in this, as in the book you mentioned, is to hold onto me when dealing with my H or anyone else for that matter.
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Do you harbour blame for your parents?
No, not at this point in life. But the experience set up patterns in me that have taken a long time to change. The patterns get in when you are so young they become part of you. They become normal. The habit of pleasing others and denying self is one. Seeing yourself as worthless is another. And yes knowing we can not change others is there. Certainly as a child you are powerless to do anything, but worse than that you actually are dependent on your parents. So the pattern is one of thing if I change me to suite them I will survive another day. So changing me is not one of self care but to please others. In a sense self ruin.
As a adult I have had to relearn and in some cases learn for the first time things I should have learn as a kid. Things like trust, self worth, boundaries, etc. Its like starting life out in the red.
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Maybe you are just fooling us and you are a junkie who kills cats, belittles children and cheats the eldery out of their retirement. And if that is the case, what can you do to make yourself worthy--in your own eyes?
aaa no. The trick for me is self worth, not other worth. Today after 4 days of NC I feel much better. My cats love me, BTW.
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Faith and Belief in yourself is a main issue-
Yes. The real blessing in this is finding myself again and my faith. What happens with my marriage is slowly becoming less the issue. Odd as that sounds all this may be a release for me.
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But your journey is all about you. Finding your Self and Embracing your Self. You're already doing a great job.
Yes and gosh thanks. The pattern I now see is too much H = less me. I need to build myself up to a place of real strength, inner strength that feels comfortable to me not there just for others.
Believe it or not in general I feel better than I have in years. I have my days of falling down..but the general, overall direction is up.
The pattern I now see is too much H = less me. I need to build myself up to a place of real strength, inner strength that feels comfortable to me not there just for others. 
