Thanks Nik. Thanks for explaining the hugs. I'm not real familiar with the abbreviations for computer lingo and text messaging. I tend to be a literal typist. Hugs to you, too. You are very sweet.
I just got back from seeing my shrink. I called him this morning and he had an opening tonight at 6:00 so I went and bitched & whined & cried. He basically tells me the same thing as you all. He said absolutely do NOT buy the house. He said get her off my mind, move on, she is NOT coming back. He's been trying to tell me this for a year now. I'm think I'm ready to take him up on it.
I love her and would be so happy if we could be together happy, BUT she obviously wants a different life. I have no control over that so I have no choice but to move on. I am so tired of crying and getting hurt over and over. This is difficult but I suppose I'll give it a try.
No, I was not using the house idea to contact her. I really was "in love" with the house and it's location compared to my current location. BUT I do agree with you and my shrink that I do not need to buy the house. Shrink says it will perpetuate my obsession with GF and the Relationship and to get over this, I have to get all of that out of my mind.
Yes, it has been comforting to stay stuck in the past. Maybe I'm ready to "grow up." (I'm 49.) Ha.
FYI - Reasons I've been reluctant to give her up:
1. The obvious - I'm in love with her. 2. She's beautiful. We "look good" together. I'm blonde, she's brunette. 3. She has a great body. 4. She's intelligent, educated, has a professional job, etc. 5. Where I live, it's not easy to meet new people (especially professional, educated, beautiful, gay women). 6. We had an absolutely amazing sexual chemistry between us. Neither of us had ever experienced anything like it. 7. We were opposites and that made being together quite interesting (different strengths). 8. We really did have some great times together, enjoyed having "fun" together. 9. We were both religiously in sync (until the fanaticism came along). 10. I loved her house and being there with her. 11. She was my best friend for 2 years. I miss talking to her and sharing everything.
