W called me this morning as soon as she got to work. Apperently she sat and talked to the kids last night. First she tells me that I should take the kids home more for dinner because they don't like going out as much as we do (controlling?). Then she tells me that D5 was telling her again last night that "She wants Mommy and Daddy to live together again". Then she says "D5 tells me that she tells you this and you say you do to" I just kinda gave a uh-huh to this. She then says "You know if you feel like that or not you shouldn't say that to the kids. It's not good for them" She caught me off guard with all of this and I didn't really know how to resond. All I said in reply was "ok". She then went on to how the kids want soup for lunches. The whole thing was very nice and friendly. There was no spew. It was strange.
I don't know what to think after that. On the one hand, it shows me that she is not having regrets at this point and is not thinking of returning. On the other hand, I have been worried for a long time that she thinks I am ok with this whole thing because I am always very nice to her. Now I know that she knows I'm not.
M35 W37 S9 D6 M12 yrs Know 15 yrs Bomb 1/28/07 My Sitch Failure is the opportunity to start again more intelligently - Henry Ford
Law, the challenge is that you are a nice guy. Your wife is messed up, not you. You have given me awesome advice over the past year, I hope this advice is equal measure. Do not allow her actions to result in your reaction that you would regret over time. She has hurt you terribly but do not do something that goes against your character. Stay strong my friend.
Me:56, W:51 D:26,S:24,S:22 Married:18 Bomb 9/27/06 Separated 11/27/06 Divorced 10/6/08 Leaving it up to God
Imageer, personally, I don't think she knows whether she has regrets are not. I have wondered whether my W has moments where she has regrets and am almost confident that she must. At other times, I think she is convicted that she is doing the right thing. I believe your W goes through the same things. Epecially since you can think back about how uneven she is. That does not sound like a person who is confident in their choices.
And you are being honest with your children that you wish the two of you are living together. She is concerned not what it is doing to the children but that she will appear as the one that is driving the family apart. That is unfortunate but a consequence of her actions.
With my children, when they are upset with their mother and what she is doing, I remind them about the mom she has been for a majority of their lives and think of her in that light, not now. A smile erupts on their faces and they show her love. This, of course, is in private, not in front of the W.
Do not lose hope. Keep doing what is right.
Me:56, W:51 D:26,S:24,S:22 Married:18 Bomb 9/27/06 Separated 11/27/06 Divorced 10/6/08 Leaving it up to God
MMF, I have not lost hope although I have been down since I got up this morning and her call didn't help. Although I am fully confident of the future, I can't seem to help myself sometimes. oh well, tomorrow is another day.
I would imagine that D5 saying these things to W must bring a her a lot of guilt. We all know that MLCers hate guilt.
I agree with you that she must have days that she looks at what she has done and have regrets. She may be able to go party whenever she wants and who knows the state oof her R with OW but much of her life is crappy now. She can't drive, she has no money, she lives in a dump, she having her "attacks", her job performance is suffering (accoording to her)and she only sees her kids 1/2 of the time. Doesn't sound like a great life to me.
M35 W37 S9 D6 M12 yrs Know 15 yrs Bomb 1/28/07 My Sitch Failure is the opportunity to start again more intelligently - Henry Ford
No, it doesn't. Does it make sense that she is going to hold on to what she is doing is right as long as she can?
I know how it is not wanting to admit it when I am wrong. For someone in this state of mind, it has to be torture.
Plus, she probably cannot stand the fact that you are loyal to your marriage and to her. It would be easier for her if you no longer wanted the marriage. She may think she is not worth you so she cannot understand why you are willing to wait.
It is amazing how much we can put ourselves through in order to prove we are right.
Me:56, W:51 D:26,S:24,S:22 Married:18 Bomb 9/27/06 Separated 11/27/06 Divorced 10/6/08 Leaving it up to God
Wha tis still strange to me is how calm and cheery she was when she called this morning. It was very odd. Then she called me a little while ago to see what time I would be dropping off the kids which she already knows.
I still maintain that nothing great will happen until the A ends. Who knows when that will be.
M35 W37 S9 D6 M12 yrs Know 15 yrs Bomb 1/28/07 My Sitch Failure is the opportunity to start again more intelligently - Henry Ford
I'll start off by admitting that I'm venting here a little but I'm pissed off tongiht.
It's 9:20 at night and I'm still at work. W calls me a few minutes ago and I anwser the phone to "oh, your still there" She then goes on to lecture me about spelling mistakes in S8s home work and I how have to spend more time working with him on it. She them makes an laughable comment that she has the same amount of time in the evenings as I do and she manages to get it done. I guess she forgets easily that I have to take 2 hours out of my day to drive the kids around on her weeks because she can't drive. I guess she forgets that while I'm driving the kids around she gets to get home early and have dinner ready so that she has time to spend doing these things.
I get these little lectures out of her about once every 2 weeks or so. Today I've gotten it twice. I don't know why she does it. Maybe she is tired, maybe she is trying to show off for OW to show her how tough she is, maybe she is just having a sh@tty evening. All I know is that she is going back to week old homework and calling me to bitch at me about it at 9:00 at night. Is she purposely looking for something to call and bitch about?
Tonight I wanted to get in to it with her but I chose to validate her and just say "yes you are right, I should spend more time working on the kids homework". However in validating her I feel like a wimp and that her and OW are just having a laugh about how easily W can get im my face and I don't do anything about it.
M35 W37 S9 D6 M12 yrs Know 15 yrs Bomb 1/28/07 My Sitch Failure is the opportunity to start again more intelligently - Henry Ford
Imageer, I am not sure the best way to handle this but I will say I think that she is "angry" with you for some reason. I believe you should continue being loving to her but at the same time you don't have to validate abusive behavior (if that is what it is). You can be loving at the same time. How do you think you could handle situations like that?
Me:56, W:51 D:26,S:24,S:22 Married:18 Bomb 9/27/06 Separated 11/27/06 Divorced 10/6/08 Leaving it up to God
The funny thing is that she will call me tomorrow and be all happy happy again. So I think I will just leave it alone. She is not abusive. She is really just being bitchy. I can't think of any other way to describe it. It could just be as simple as her being tired. She has always been miserable when she gets tired. Who knows. It's also not much different than when she left a message for me the other day lecturing about something and then I tells me that she is having a bad day later on. Another funny thing about it is that when she says "Oh, your still there" to me she wasn't expecting me to answer the phone and she just wanted to leave me a message on my voicemail.
M35 W37 S9 D6 M12 yrs Know 15 yrs Bomb 1/28/07 My Sitch Failure is the opportunity to start again more intelligently - Henry Ford
