I was the LBS, and I've often considered becoming the WAS after DBing and reconciling. My H didn't actually leave the house, but we lived in separate bedrooms and had very separate lives for about 6 months.
I don't know if you're interested in my perspective, but I'm offering it anyway. Of course my sitch is my sitch, but maybe it applies to yours? I don't know.
Anyway, DBing saved my life. My H dropping the bomb woke me up. The combination of the two events helped me see what I needed to work on, but they also opened my eyes. Wide.
A lot of my trouble...my resentment...has been how now that H has gotten everything he wanted from me, he's not seeming willing to work as hard...or much at all...on giving me what I want and need from a partner. Like I said, these things woke me up to the crappy life I was living and what I didn't have in a spouse.
We've been in MC for two years now, and while we communicate really well these days, I see that my H's attention is pretty much where it always has been...work, his projects, etc. I find myself often wondering, "But what about me? What about what I want?" I've expressed it...asked for it...and I'm not seeing a sincere effort from him like I'd like.
So I think about leaving sometimes, now that I know what I deserve and want and need in a partner. I wonder if I'm doomed to a life with a man who had the nerve to demand something different from me, but then couldn't man up and do the same for me.
Your H had a lot of time to think and contemplate while you were gone, so I'm wondering what he's discovered...what he truly wants. I know you WAS's have your own pain you go through, but the LBS has their own brand of hell to deal with. When the WAS recommits, we feel relief and a sense of, "Okay, now we can work on building something great!" But when the WAS is just content now that their needs are being met or just doesn't have the perspective we have (especially w/DBing)...well, it's grating.
I really wish you well. Honestly, I think both of you having the perspective of the other gives you a lot of hope for building a strong, solid marriage at the end of all of this.
Good luck,
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
