you can't live your life waiting for someone else to become the person who you deserve.
Very true words .
I am certainly experiencing life right now and through casual dating meeting new people and I even think the emotional turmoil lets us live life a bit more fully. Sometimes being forced from a comfort zone is not a bad thing. Feels like rubbish at the time but it leads to a world of opportunity if you can embrace the change.
A little more journaling.
Helped W move to the cottage over the week end. I was not quite prepared for the emotional impact this would have on me. It was a further step away from what was my initial goal. However in a way this will be healthy. I have felt for some time that W spends far to much time here at home and that she is enjoying home life plus independence. Now that we have some gentle communication going I have learned that she needs to try and live without me and that she feels she spends too much time at the house and has not made the break she needs. Once we have her set up then there will be a lot less need for her to come here. I went round to the cottage as we needed to work out some sort of schedule. I also decided it was time to gently tell her how I thought. It was a small insight only , and what was more useful was it got her talking and I could listen and learn. It was then she told me that she wanted to realy try and do things on her own , she also admitted not knowing if she was doing the right thing but would never know if she does not try. She cryed a bit and is more aware than me of how its affecting the kids. This is healthy stuff and I have been seeing a much different W from that of the recent past. Interestingly I asked her if the amount of communication we have and time spent together is too much and she said ,no , we dont see each other that much. As I left I got a soft kiss and a pat on the bum , a nice little touch of affection.
In that is the blueprint for the immediate future. Our lives will become more separate and I will let her have that space and try being independent .
I do feel we have started another phase of this journey and I think it will be a time of growing and healing for both of us. I feel good about it because while it comes with some pain its the right way to go for us right now , we will both get the space that we now have both been wanting.
, a nice little touch of affection.
