Big big BIG {{{{hugs}}}} for you sweetie... I wish I could be there for you. Consider me there in spirit.
My first weekend without my kids was super difficult. I don't mean to scare you, but I spent two days solid crying. I think, for me, it was worse than the divorce. I think the second weekend (we did every other weekend), was just as difficult. But at that point I did start reaching out for support and I have to tell you having support and friends saved me. And even this site did too. So reach out, make plans, do some really really special things for yourself.
Yes, the first month or so was horrible... but eventually it DID get a lot better. I started thinking of my H as a babysitter! (Hee hee!!!). And I even started to look forward to my own time, and I'd plan outings to festivals, or shopping, rented any movies I wanted, ate at any resturant I wanted, did any thing I wanted!!! So, eventually I did like this time. And I knew it was important for my kids to have a close relationship with their dad regardless of what he had done to me.
It's okay to cry and feel lonely, but do also try to plan some special things for you. Meet separated and divorced women, look for divorce groups even... plan to be very busy!!!! (how about a massage?!!! shopping!!! Yeeeeah!).
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
