I miss opportunities for sex because I am afraid to ask him/tell him. It's not because he won't take the shower. It's because I am still uncomfortable asking.
BTW, Mojo, I find it interesting that you found the smell of smoke to be erotic. More power to you. But as you said, I need to own my preferences and make decisions based on them, and this is a big one.
I think one of Schnarch's major messages is that fusion causes this kind of fear. Also, talking openly about sexual issues is difficult for most people. I mean I'm pretty straight-forward on this anonymous BB but in real life when men question me about my preferences I can be kind of bashful. Also, it often is the case that our preferences and functioning changes with context and a variety of circumstances. For instance, I might honestly tell a man that I like manual better than oral but that's not always true. If Cac suddenly became very LD you might find that your tolerance for smoke-smell sex would go up after a while without any sex. That's why it's so hard for HDfolk to recognize that they've started settling for crap sex. That mealy-bug infested oatmeal starts to taste pretty good after a month on the desert island.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
