When to give or withhold support

[Burgbud]

(Lou) I asked BB to tell our D what is up from BB's POV, but she thinks any person with half a brain should be able to put two and two together and figure out what to do. That is where I supposedly lack social skills. I just keep showing up when not officially per visit invited.

BB seems to have a lot of anxiety about dealing with your D and SIL and covers that up by denigrating your social skills (maybe she knows you already question your social skills?). Your social skills appear to be in good shape to me. I don't know if it would be helpful or not but were I in your stead I'd be tempted to explain to BB that I don't put up with any passive-aggressive nonsense so unless D and SIL come right out and say they don't want me around so much, I'm going to visit them and my grandkids whenever I feel the urge.