Back then, when I felt it was SO important to not be a burden, I might have even said, "no...please don't stick around."
Yeah, that "being a burden" seems to be the greatest sin.
This business of being alone in hospital, etc., is interesting. My late H spent a LOT of time in the hospital. I was with him most of the time, just to keep him company. I think that was appropriate. Often people came by to see him/us, and THAT could be very tiring. I felt like a hostess. And if he was going through some truly life-threatening surgery, there were only a couple of people I wanted with me, and these were people who would not require anything of me. Who could sit and read a magazine or go get a cup of coffee without bothering me or expecting me to do anything except pace, worry, cry, or all three. My late H's cousin, for instance, was an alcoholic. She has been known to show up in the surgery waiting room drunk, feeling sorry for herself because her cousin is in surgery, and needing lots of maintenance herself! Yuck. One time she and her then-husband showed up on a Sunday afternoon when my H and I were just sitting in the room and watching tv, and I was looking forward to getting my dinner from the cafeteria and bringing it back to the room, and they insisted on taking me out to dinner. I didn't have the stamina to argue with them. Anyway, after all my experience with hospital, now I phone the patient and chat and only visit when I'm sure it's welcome. If I phone and they get tired, they can always say, "the doctor just came in" and get off the phone. When you're there, they may feel obligated to entertain you because you went through all that trouble. This of course does not apply to next of kin (unless they're drunk).
I've mentioned that my good friend's partner is quite ill with cancer, in and out of hospital. I've offered to come and visit (out of town) but my friend said, "Right now I want to be able to give all my attention to {her partner}." Very honest, and I appreciate it. I would be a distraction, at a time when a person doesn't want to be distracted. She said later, probably she will want me to come.
