Battlefield of the mind

[appleroad]

Slept better, less rumiating, thinking of other stuff asides from the current sitch, getting use to travel this new terrain.

You're a quick study, Cat.

[peaceful_spirit]

Cat,
Those negative thoughts are to be expected. As long as in general, you are in peace and feel good, you need to focus on that.

My C just gave me some advice the other day on fighting negative thoughts. She said to picture it like dominos. When one negative thought starte, it pushes the other dominos down... and continue down that negative path. She said to picture removing one of those negative dominoes down and replace with a positive for example... when you start to think of yoru H and OW, stop yourself and put in a thought about your kids... or about going out to dinner with friends... or about what you're going to do to make yourself feel good today.

This is good for your and your H. You could not go on the way you were.

Question for you... has your H been sleeping on the couch the entire time you were piecing? Had things gotten better than worse, or did they never really get back on track from the get go. Identifying this might help in the piecing process.

[ediemarie]

Hi Cat - just swinging by to check in on you. Glad you are getting sleep and focusing on new things. That will truly help you find you again - so easy to lose ourselves in all of this. Nice analogy with the vipers - whatever it takes to focus on those things that are good -

whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.

Em

[cat03]

Question for you... has your H been sleeping on the couch the entire time you were piecing? Had things gotten better than worse, or did they never really get back on track from the get go. Identifying this might help in the piecing process.
===================================================
No, until summer, when the first bomb hit (not counting when I found out about the A after it was over the year he came back). So 06 was good, we were together until summer of 07 when I found otu about their PA, then he slept downstairs and turns into a zombie, we dont ML, are live as strangers. Around xmas I went to her house, he seems repentant truly and comes back to sleep w/me, then I found out about he phone and their ongoing contact, sleeps 1 night with me, 2 night later we separate.

Have to let this out for a bit. He did break it off, brought stuff back he loan her bfore xmas, but felt so bad for "ruining her xmas" he calls her, she somehows gets him hooked again and he I guess remains spineless to cut it and on it goes. Had he not call her during xmas would things be ok now? part of me wants to say yes, but also, a man who wants his M and with any sense would not have let it go as far as getting a phone to call her to make sure "she is ok". Have to remind myself constantly about the many times he's disrespected me and put me aside, why we are S, he now has plenty of time and space to think, dont' want to be with him just becuase he is lonely but because he wants me in his life and wants us together and happy.

Phew.... feeling mostly good, here and there i falter and miss the little things, a touch, knowing someone is home.

We have to tell s9 tomorrow, that is making me real sad. Today I told him his dad would take him out next sunday, he cheered, I asked him why and he said "since he stared his job we've barely seen him". I was not expecting that since he barely mentions his father during the week. This whole weekend the kids didn't even ask for him, we always have lunch on Sat and for the past month he's been off Sunday, the kids didn't notice...or perhaps they thought he was working. I was trying to fool myself into believing s9 wouldn't mind too much, that it wont be so hard on him.
I pray we tell him the right way, that I stop looking so damn streessed sad now and then, it was only 1x but s9 asked me tonight why I looked stressed, I can't make him believe that it is hopeless and horrible, I have to be stronger for him.

[LoginName]

Cat,
I've found your topic/thread whatever it's called. I've got a lot of reading to do to catch up. Just a quick comment...

What your H said about it not being a choice between you and OW I think is true for all sitches like this. It really isn't about the OW. It really is something inside the WAS, something they have to go through and figure out. In a way, it's not about you, or me either. It's all about them.

I hope you sleep better. Sleep is so important

[cat03]

tx hon, hope you are holding out good as well, was wondering where you were :P

[Firekeeper]

i hear you on 5 hours of sleeping its been like that for the last 9 mo. now i have another problem - it difficult for me to get up even after 8 hours

when i had difficulty with going to sleep, i listened to cd with guided visualization - altho it is for weight loss, it is very empowering - http://www.brainsync.com/product.asp?specific=149 - i still have a cd player with headphones near my bed (headphones are recommended because of the "brainwave technology")

[LoginName]

How did it go with s9? I thought my MC didn't help enough with this part, although there were special counseling sessions for the kids if I wanted to enroll them. Here is what little I know based on books about D and kids, my MC, my experiences:
1. tell the truth but don't tell kids anymore than you have too
2. tell them you love them and will always be there for them
3. don't blame H, or speak badly about him
4. repeast number 2,often
5. ask teachers, others to watch and let you know if the kids are having any problems
6. remind the kids that it's an "adult" problem, your and H's problem, not theirs. They are not responsible, they can't do anything about it, it's not their fault in anyway. It's just a problem and you and H are working on it.
7. repeat number 2
8. don't treat them as a confidant. Don't talk about your problems to them.
9. Make yourself available and open to their questions and concerns but don't force the topic
10. If you want, you can try having them make up stories, draw pictures, etc of what they think of the situation (don't know if this is good or not)
11. repeat number 2.

:-)

[cat03]

thanks for the pointers LN, we are talking today.

The detaching continues, doing well considering the circumstances, thank God for that! dont' feel burdened or crushed. H looks the same, we didnt' talk much on Sun, yesterday he stayed to watch a show , I thought he'd take off immediately after my arrival. I told him he could stay on the couch since he has to watch d4 in the AM but he said it'd be fine (he lives far), so, that'd be the last time I ever ask he stays, he now knows I don't mind so he's welcome to stay, if not then it is fine too.

[Aud31]

Cruisin' right along baby...I'm so glad you're feeling good, all things considered. Best wishes for a great Tuesday!