It helps. It all helps, even the posts I don't agree with.
One of my other struggles is my concern for hurting cac's feelings. Talking about smoking with him and on here makes me feel like I'm on thin ice. I hate knowing that I might be making him feel bad about a habit that I'm sure already makes him feel bad. But I know that if I don't speak up from time to time I am not being honest with him or myself. Still, it makes me uncomfortable that we're talking about it, even though I brought it up.
Thinking about cac's scent....I have experienced his actual scent a few times when he tried to quit. It was quite amazing. *He* doesn't inherently smell bad. The smoke smells bad. *He* doesn't turn me off. The smoke turns me off.
I have a hard time leaning on others. I also have trouble asking for support. I am getting better at asking cac to come with me to appointments where I would like his support. It wasn't that I wanted him but didn't ask, it was that I thought I should be able to handle it myself. Stiff upper lip sort of thing. It's nice to allow him to be there for me because it feels good and it helps build our bond.
But honestly - don't we really have normal desire? We each have a young child - and that alone is so draining. How many nights do you get him to bed to literally just fall down on your own bed and pass out?
What is normal, anyway? I actually have more energy for sex now than I ever did. The workday and commute really didn't agree with me and left me exhausted. But, now I'm fortunate that I can be a SAHM which I think does agree with me. It's challenging, certainly, but doesn't drain me like my office job did. When my son was a baby I was overwhelmed, but that was mostly because I had no idea what I was doing. I do have days when I want to collapse, but they are the exception now, not the rule. I plan to return to work maybe this fall if S4 can go to full-time K. I'm going to work close to home, perhaps as a classroom aide.
LS, didn't you say that you are the primary breadwinner? I used to be years ago and I felt enormous pressure. cac went back to school 12 years ago for an IT program, and soon after took over the breadwinner position. It was a welcome relief for me and I'm sure it is part of the reason that our R has been transformed. I never wanted to be the breadwinner and I didn't have a big powered career. It just worked out that way. cac lost his slot to be a Navy pilot when they discovered that he had a heart defect. It took him a long time to figure out what to do career-wise, but he did it and I'm so proud of him!
It's good to know that my posts have helped you. I'm glad that the taking turns thing is working for you guys. You wrote once that you were afraid of starting something you couldn't finish, and that is exactly what my fear is regarding putting myself out there asking for cac to shower so we can have sex. But, I know that I can finish it if I just give myself half a chance.
