Smoking has bothered me for a very long time. My father and many of my relatives smoked when I was growing up and I didn't find the smell at all comforting.
My aunt, who babysat me part time while my mother worked, was a heavy smoker. (I was about 5.) I remember what she smoked (Newports), I remember her cigarette case with the purse snap at the top, and I remember the funny little stamp at the bottom of the packs. When I see that very same stamp at the bottom of c's cig packs I remember my aunt fondly. Cigarettes remind me of my aunt. She died of smoking-related cancer shortly after my son was born. I've also lost an aunt and uncle (married to each other) due to smoking, and have another uncle who is currently a lung cancer survivor.
I remember when I was college-age having asthma attacks at my aunt's house, and having to go outside to get some fresh air. My cousin, a fellow asthma sufferer and smoker told me to get some pill that would help me breathe better because it worked for her.
Cancer isn't sexy, and that what smoking means to me.
This is not the same as suggesting that if I try lobster a few more times I might acquire a taste for it. (I can tell you that I have *tried* to like lobster and I just don't like it, period.) Anyway, there is nothing inherently dangerous to me for eating lobster. It doesn't harm me or my husband or my son. It is just food. You can't say the same about a habit that kills people. There is not a single positive aspect to smoking and everyone reading this knows that.
So, no, I will not try to see cac's smoking as sexy or manly or erotic. But I will try to do a better job of asking him for what I need, when I need it.
