Engagement

[fearless]

If my wife isn't going to have a sex life with me, we are going to have to get a divorce. I told her that last month, and I wrote that on the first page of this thread.

Do you think I should point out to her every time she doesn't do something I want her to do? Should I remind her that I will divorce her if we don't have sex? How often should I remind her that I will divorce her if we don't have sex, once a week, every other week, or once a month? What time limit should I place on it?

I'm pretty sure you aren't planning on pointing out her every wrong move but just wanted to make sure you don't!!

I'm an engineer and I do consulting work. This is an article I try to leave with management when I leave some jobs.

"People will engage in pleasant activities. Research in education has shown that it takes a 4 to 1 praise to criticism ratio to maintain ideal student on-task behavior. To change student behavior, it takes a significantly higher ratio, about 8 to 1 praise to criticism.

Researchers also asked teachers to record how they use various techniques to change student behavior. They asked teachers to group their behavior change methods into seven categories which included: pain, fear and anxiety, frustration, humiliation and embarrassment, boredom, physical discomfort, and positive comments.

When they analyzed the data, they found that the actual praise to criticism ratio was 1 to 4 - that's one praise to four criticisms! Teachers, by their patterns of verbal interaction, were actually creating off-task problems for themselves.

How do the above apply in your situation as a leader? Do you praise more often than criticize? Or is it the other way around? Think about it." - Praise to Criticism Ratio (http://www.isixsigma.com/)

I think this can be an important concept for any area in which we want to change another's behavior.

Another "trick" is to try to stop thinking about the past 10 years. Leave them in the past and focus on your future with your wife. Keep focused on what you want to have with her rather than on what you "don't" want to have. Try to look for all the positives in her and figure a way to share those positives with her in a way that allows her to feel good.

Another thing to focus on is to know that this is all your choice. Your decision to give your wife another chance is your choice. She's free to do what she wants with that chance. And you are free to make your own decision when you want to.

Good Luck!!