You know Frank, if you want insight into what your W is thinking then ask HER.
No-one else can possibly know - and it sounds from your view point, (via your posts), like she doesn't know either - or she is too scared to tell it to you as it is - for whatever reason.
It doesn't take Einstein to work out though that it is easier to love someone who is on top of their game and bringing in the money and keeping the family secure than it is to love a person who is bitter and self medicating with alcohol and is full of self pity.
You may have started making changes that make you feel better about you but I expect your W is left behind in the wake somewhere, trying to keep her head up and tread water until she can see what the outcome is going to be with you and your changes; are they for real or are they only temporary? What will Frank be like tomorrow, next week, next month?
Thanks Saffie, that's very insightful and helpful to me. I think I need to keep more to myself and not think about "what she's thinking". Whatever it is, it's about leaving, being free, something different in her life. And why not? She probably doesn't see any reason NOT to leave and I'm forced to 'detach' in order to save my own sanity right now. And I'm also forced to be aware of the EA she is having, and the bad state our financials are in all at the same time.
It's tough and I'm angry.
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I am very sorry for what you are going through now, and for how your W has hurt you both now and before. I feel very sorry for your W though as well - doesn't sound like she is having a ball either.
No, it doesn't seem like it. The first 2 weeks were 'fun' and 'happy' but the reality that she and I won't be friends when she's gone and the reality of her financial situation seems to be hitting her hard. Today has been a hard morning for her. I offered to help with the credit card thing I mentioned but she didn't want help.
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I don't believe you answered my question that I asked a couple of posts to you ago - do you still want to be M'd to your W?
Yes I do. I think that I have an understanding of the dynamic that has existed between us and I believe we can be happy together if we actually work at it instead of cycling like this.
And, if I free myself of the old guilt and fear that has been driving my failures in life.
The more I observe this situation, and the more I read posts like yours, the more I see I need to calm down and just get ready to ride out the storm. However it ends is unknown but no matter what I'm getting too worked up with all these interactions with her and with the hurt.
Kinder Gentler Frank keeps getting pushed to the edge and I go into 'survivor' mode instead. I know better, and anger / bitterness doesn't mix well in my personality as I am usually NOT that kind of guy.
Thanks to you and others for giving me a lot to think about.
