mrs cac - I realize I am late at chiming in here, but I do want to comment. Way back in your first post, you said;
"So now I wonder....should we stay here and continue to read posts and get insight into issues like this? Or, should we move on and focus on the future and let the past lie? Or will the past come back to bite us if we aren't fully aware of its impact on us?
I guess what I'm afraid of is that neither I nor cac will ever really see me as anything but a recovering LDW. And an LDW is such a bad thing to be."
I think posting is akin to journaling - you need to post during the good and bad times to really get in touch with your feelings and benefit from the kernels of wisdom dropped by others. Share the good moments and lean on others during the hard ones. You've certainly let me do my share of leaning on you in the short time I've been a member.
As for the LDW label, it stinks. Absolutely. It would be nice if we could get rid of HD and LD and talk about NORMAL desire which fluctuates for most people. My H has the fortune (or misfortune depending on how you look at it)to be HD. The labels of HD and LD do allow us to "talk" to one another on this board.
But honestly - don't we really have normal desire? We each have a young child - and that alone is so draining. How many nights do you get him to bed to literally just fall down on your own bed and pass out?
As for the smoking - that is a tough one and you do need to set your own paramenters. I like my H to brush his teeth. He's more than willing if he knows he's going to have S!
We are still doing the taking turn thing. It's been a couple of weeks now. I really do feel less pressure - can't really explain why. I too feel, at this point, I need a really good reason to turn him down if he intiates. But I've learned if I communicate the reason that he is okay with that. And especially if I say, I can't right now because of x but how about later today/tomorrow. That way, I get to say not right now instead of 'no." See the difference?
I could keep writing to you for a long time but my thoughts are starting to drift. I mostly wanted you to know how much I value your input. Thank you for all of your "listening" to my struggles, and I hope in some small way this post returns the favor.
