Hanging on to what I believe in!

[ba065]

Hey all....I haven't been online for a couple days...so I'll have to try to catch up on all your sitchs today....sorry!

Survived another weekend. Not much has changed. H is in a better state of mind than he was late last week but that changes minute by minute so we'll see what today brings.

I'm trying to stay detached...it's very difficult given the circumstances. I just want to help him so badly...but know that I cannot. I'm torn by my responsibilities as a wife/friend/decent human being...and the responsibilities I have to myself and self-protection. There has been so much pain and hurt surrounding all of this mess and even though I keep telling myself that it isn't about me...it's all about him...it's hard not to get sucked into the sadness of it all!

H is at work again today, not happy about it, but given the choices right now, there really is no other option unless he wants to flush us all down the drain. He needs to make some decisions about his life work wise, school wise and home life wise....and there's no way to force that...but his sittling idle isn't getting him anywhere near where he needs to be to make any decisions.

His constant twisting of our conversations or outright changing things I've said to him is mind boggling! I need to start putting everything down on paper to keep a better record. I could say the sky is blue and he'll turn around and tell me I wasn't even talking about the sky. Confusion abounds!

Having S home was a comfort to me, but I'm not sure H hardly noticed he was around...very sad considering the two of them were like best friends until the bomb. H just kinda dropped S. Very sad.

I'll try to catch up on all the threads today...hope everyone is doing well.

Hugs!

BA