Well, I was kidding about the ultimateum. I wouldn't do that - there was a time when I would have - but not now, not post DB. But I still want to say it just because I'm feeling frustrated.
I think Cat hit the nail on the head. The sex in our marriage was never great (and by not great I mean twice a month) - we struggled from the words "I do." It was fine before then, btw (roughly twice a week - and we only saw each other on the weekends as we lived in different states). Commitment freaked my H out - in a big way and I think it still does.
The true break down in our sex life began when H started to get his needs met elsewhere. Once that started he felt that touching me would be cheating on OW. And I think that Cat is correct because I can't even get H to change his clothes in front of me, let alone hop into a bath (which even if things were good, he would never do). It is intimacy issues, and vulnerablity issues, and commitment issues, and guilt issues, and insecurity issues all rolled into one ugly nasty ball that probably can't be unraveled without serious MC, which H will not go to.
So the sex conversation won't really be a sex conversation, I don't think. And most likely, H won't even comment about what I have to say - he'll just listen and then internalize and think all I'm saying is that he's inadequate. I truly don't know how to approach this with him without making him feel like he is inadequate - and I guess, it's because he is inadequate in terms of pleasing me sexually - he hasn't done it 24 months.
So that being said, I don't want to push him to a level that he isn't comfortable going, i.e. the emotional intimacy needed for physcial intimacy, yet at the same time I am struggling with this issues and would like it resolved.
I need to come at this from a completely different angle and I'm not sure what that is, or how to do it, or even if I should ...
I'm rambling...blah.
Me: 34 H: 39 M: 7 yrs H A 12/05-8/07
If what you say surprises me, I must have been assuming something else was true. - M. Wheatley
