My last thread ...Back to Manipulation or Motivation...probably will lock soon so I thought this title was appropriate for the way that I am feeling about my H and our situation, not with the other aspects of my life because I do feel like I am working and living and not putting anything on hold.
Journaling: H and I had talked about the super bowl on saturday. He said he didn't want to come by and upset s15 by being at the house when he was having friends over. I explained to H that s15 and his friends hang down in the basement and we if it was not for me going down and checking on them, I wouldn't see them all night.
Anyway, he called yesterday morning. I was almost out the door with d12 to go to softball. He said he was headed to the store and asked if he could pick up anything for the party s15 was having. I asked him for some extra chips and I also once again extended an invitation to him to attend. He declined saying it was too hard with s15 not wanting him there.
I told h that I had talked to s15 and he was ok with it. I wouldn't have asked H if s15 would be upset by it. I told H that I would love for him to be with us, but if it wasn't right for him or he had other plans, that was ok too. He said he didn't have plans and that he would love to be here, but the thing with s15......
Anyway, d12 and I met up with H a little later at her swim meet. He was very quiet there. Didn't even say too much to her. He did his crossword puzzle and I didn't bother him. At the end I told him that he was welcome if he changed his mind. He said he was just going back to his parent's house to watch the game.
As i was getting food ready for s15's gang, H sent several texts telling me to have fun with the kids, to enjoy the game, etc. After the game ended, and the GIANTS won, there were more texts. I fell asleep and....woke up to more texts about the game.
I know that I can't fix the R between s15 and H. I just don't know how it is going to get fixed so that if there is a chance for our family, we can move forward. I pray that H's counselor is helping him with this, but I also see h using the situation with s15 for fuel for his pity party.
I just want to know....for those of you who have turned the corner and are piecing, did you ever feel this way. Like you just can't get past point A to get to point B because there is a huge boulder in the way.
I could be so off the mark with my h. He could so be manipulating me. For all I know he could still be with his married girlfriend....and trying to gain my sympathy to help him with s15. I wish I knew. I do know we are at such a standstill....and it is frustrating.
