Confusion of a WAW (Thread 6)

[bhopeful]

I think that you should make yourself available when your W wants you, but stop the pursuing of asking her to do stuff. This will give you some extra space while still attending to some of her needs. Take any pressure that she might be feeling from you away. It sounds like she has enough on her plate right now and doesn't need added pressure from you.

I hope you're happier once I'm back in my own place

This is a very pressure filled and pursuing statement. Were you trying to make her feel guilty? I can totally understand if you were, but I'm surprised that it didn't blow up in your face. That kind of thing would not go over well with my W. I'm glad that it didn't for you though.

Your W seems to be in a pretty fragile state right now, so I don't think that you should completely shut her out. You do need time for yourself to GAL though. I don't think that I ever read about you doing much for yourself. Your needs always seem to take a back burner to the rest. That's not healthy and not a long term plan. Of course, I only know what you are writing here, so things are probably different than they seem.

I think that you should make yourself available when your W wants you, but stop the pursuing of asking her to do stuff. This will give you some extra space while still attending to some of her needs. Take any pressure that she might be feeling from you away. It sounds like she has enough on her plate right now and doesn't need added pressure from you.

I agree with that - I'm trying to avoid getting in the way of whatever she is doing, but she is always so vague when it comes to asking me stuff, that it's difficult to figure her out. She never outright asks for anything - It's always very subtle.

This is a very pressure filled and pursuing statement. Were you trying to make her feel guilty? I can totally understand if you were, but I'm surprised that it didn't blow up in your face. That kind of thing would not go over well with my W. I'm glad that it didn't for you though.

It sounded harsh, but it wasn't supposed to - I was just trying to figure out what was making her so miserable last night. She has started to open up to me a little, off and on, so I was hoping that she'd talk to me a little about what is on her mind and what is troubling her.

Your W seems to be in a pretty fragile state right now, so I don't think that you should completely shut her out. You do need time for yourself to GAL though. I don't think that I ever read about you doing much for yourself. Your needs always seem to take a back burner to the rest. That's not healthy and not a long term plan. Of course, I only know what you are writing here, so things are probably different than they seem.

I've not been doing enough for myself at all - The last few weeks I've just been telling myself 'When I move, I will....', so hopefully I'll actually follow through on that Living with W again has been really tough - Not just with the occasional hiccup we have had that has caused stress, but just by her general state of mind right now. She's feeling pretty alone, so I don't know if this is my time to step up and take more control (as I did this week, by strong arming her into going to a C).

[lizzy]

I think your W knows that she can still depend on you for help and support. She will let you know if she needs your help. I'm surprised that she offered to help you with your new place. I think that is pretty positive because it doesn't seem like she does much to help you out.

I think your W knows that she can still depend on you for help and support. She will let you know if she needs your help. I'm surprised that she offered to help you with your new place. I think that is pretty positive because it doesn't seem like she does much to help you out.

She has done a lot the last few weeks - She'll cook dinner for us and things like that. I know she has a hard time feeling motivated to much, so I'm always very appreciative of all that she does.

This morning has been weird. She woke up and wasn't feeling too. She actually apologized later in the morning that she had a headache and things. She has been talking all morning about how great D is and that she sees so much of both of us in her - She commented that D is stubborn like me, so I pushed back a little. Then she said I've been less stubborn recently, especially with her. I guess I'll take that as a good thing.

Oh, and after I took my shower and W was watching D, we were in the bathroom together and W passed me my wedding ring and said "You forgot this". I wear it every day, so it's not like she's not seen it on me. I hadn't forgotten it - I always take it off when I shower. She's not made comment about it AT ALL since the bomb.

[lizzy]

Interesting morning for you Brit. Definitely sounds like your W is thinking. I'm sure she is probably worried about being lonely when you move out since D and you won't be around as much.

Interesting morning for you Brit. Definitely sounds like your W is thinking. I'm sure she is probably worried about being lonely when you move out since D and you won't be around as much.

Yeah, we'll have to see what happens. Today has been very confusing.

I had a couple of friends over who were helping move a lot of big stuff - Couch, bed, things like that. We had to run by W's house because I needed some tools out of her garage, and W was getting D ready to come over to my house and work on some things. I figured she might mop a floor, or something.

We probably get back to the house an hour later, and W was going nuts painting the stair way and stuff - D was running around and playing (W had taken a load of toys over for her). W picked up dinner for us all, along with lots of things I needed at the house, then we left to do move moving, with D and W staying to finish what they were doing - I got back there a couple of hours later and they'd already left; Getting late, so D was probably ready for bed. Turns out W had painted the entire stairway, even going as far as taking outlet plates off and doing all of the edges. She is already offering me lots of advice and assistance with decorating.

We also talked a bit this afternoon - I can't really remember how it started. I think W wanted to get some stuff for my house, and she wanted to get some things for her's too. W suggested that we work on a few things together, so I'm not sure if I should take that as a 'we both need to work on the same thing' or 'we can both help each other with our own things'.

Either way, W isn't acting like someone who doesn't want me around - At least today anyway. She has been in a pretty good mood all day and her behavior really confused my friends - When we left, with W and D staying behind, W and I kissed and did ILY/ILYT. No one really understood why everything that is going on is happening - Me included

So, the next question - Do I give W a key to my new place or not? I have one for her's, but I'm sure she'll want it back as soon as I'm moved. Part of me just wants someone close by to have a key in case I lose mine, or whatever. Not sure if W would take it as a "Here's a key - Come spend the night" pursuit, or if she'd get it's just a practical thing.

[JennyF]

Hey Brit,
I've considered asking H for his key back, but I want him to have it something comes up with the kids. He still has my second set of car keys too and I have his truck keys. He hasn't asked me for them and I'm not mentioning it!
It's always good to have back up right?
J~

It's always good to have back up right?

Oh yeah - W has keys for my car that she uses all the time when we're together. I had to call her a couple of weeks ago because I locked my keys in the car, so it paid off :-)

[lizzy]

It makes sense for her to have a key in the event something should come up with D. I would give it a week or two and see if she asks for her key back. Your W did make mention before you moved in that your new place was going to be nicer than her place. Maybe she is trying to help you fix it up to her taste just in case. Who knows, just me always trying to read between the lines.

It makes sense for her to have a key in the event something should come up with D. I would give it a week or two and see if she asks for her key back. Your W did make mention before you moved in that your new place was going to be nicer than her place. Maybe she is trying to help you fix it up to her taste just in case. Who knows, just me always trying to read between the lines.

My W is so confusing right now. Yesterday she was really cranky most of the day, because D didn't sleep much, so I just worked on moving more stuff into my house - I ended up going over to W's halfway through the day to check on her and D (they were sleeping when I left), but she pretty much bit my head off when I asked if they were doing okay.

I went back later to pick up some things and D was going crazy - I asked W if she wanted to get something for dinner, since she hadn't left the house all day. I wasn't expecting much, but she said she'd like to go out - We had a really good time together, and went out and did some shopping for both of us afterwards with D. W talked a lot the whole time - Mostly about how she wasn't feeling good, but she took a couple of opportunities to really bitch about OM. Obviously still a lot of anger going there. We bought loads of painting and decorating supplies for my house, and W seems pretty intent on doing a lot of work over there.

I ended up staying with her again last night, which actually worked out pretty well - We talked until it was pretty late while she worked on some craft stuff. First time in a LONG while I've not seen her sit on her laptop all night. We went to bed together - Talked about how I should decorate the house and what furniture I need to get. W said she'd help me pick stuff out and figure out what looks right in the house.

We've been talking on IM all morning - W invited herself over to my house tonight for dinner, so we can do some work there together and get stuff situated. I'll probably run to get her a set of keys made when I pick up D. Tomorrow I have to watch D while W goes to her C appt, but I'm not sure if I'm going to her house, or D is coming to mine. The rest of the week and the weekend I have D, so we'll see if W makes plans to come over and do things with me. W also offered to give me some food for lunch at work (she made meatloaf this weekend).

I have no clue if I'm doing the right things or not anymore - Sometimes I think I'm doing the wrong thing (e.g. asking her out for dinner), and it turns out to be a good for us. Sometimes I do what I think is the 'right thing', giving her space and independence, and she gets mad because I'm not helping her.

*sigh*