The Long and Winding Road...

[bhopeful]

My heart did smile when she said that. I was thinking about picking up some flowers for her since I go past her house when I go snowboarding. I know that they won't make her feel physically better, but they will brighten her day. Thanks to your encouragement I'll be sure to stop off and get some.

I'll check out the thread.

(((Hugs to you too...)))
B

[bhopeful]

So I stopped off and bought some flowers, a can of soup, and some OJ on my way home from snowboarding. I knew that my W has been sick, so I wanted to brighten her day a little. I didn't really expect her to be there as she usually spends Sundays at her parents house.

When I got to her place she was sleeping on the couch but she invited me in and told me to take a seat on it with her. I told her that I couldn't stay long as I had been gone all day and I had to get home to the dogs. She said that she understood but we ended up talking for 20 minutes or so. It came up that she had run out of cold medicine so I offered to run out and get some for her. She said that I didn't have to, but I could tell that she really wanted me to get it for her. So I ran out.

When I got back from that I didn't expect to even take my shoes off as I had to really get home now. But she was on the couch and told me to come in again and so I did. I reiterated that I should get home to the dogs, but then she suggested that I call the neighbors and have them let the dogs out for me. I made the call and they were around so they took care of them for me.

I spent around four hours at her place. I gave her a back rub since she was pretty sore from coughing so much. She ended up falling asleep with her head in my lap while I watched the football game. I had my arm stretched out on her and she buried her head into in and held onto it. Even though she is sick, it was a very comfortable and sweet evening.

Quick update as I was writing this, she called and thanked me for coming over.

So a HUGE thanks to transformer for the suggestion and encouragement. Tonight ended up being a great positive. Here's hoping that everyone else had a good weekend too.

Peace,
B

[JennyF]

You're a good husband B!

I'm so glad your neighbour was there to let the dogs out.
J~

[transformer]

Dearest B Hopeful!

Oh my goodness... I have tears in my eyes right now. That is so beautiful, I am getting goosebumps! You did such a good and loving and caring job! *I* am so glad that the neighbors were there to take the dogs out ! I love how *she* was the one who suggested that you stay so long! She is very lucky to have your loving care.

I was wondering if Gifts of Real Giving might be a secondary love language for your W? I just remember she got so excited about the snowboard and I think another present too in your thread so far. And cold medicine counts too! Maybe those are isolated incidents but if there is a trend then you have just another tool to show your steadfast and wonderful love for her!

you know, this might sound weird, but sometimes I think it's really fun to take care of your partner when they are sick. It can be like this fun gentle down time to enjoy together that you might not get otherwise. Maybe I am weird !!

Anyway, your post lifts my heart. I am so happy for you!!!

(((HUGS)))
Transformer

[bhopeful]

Thanks for thinking that Jenny. I try my best. I wish my W could see that and want to be with me again. Maybe someday...

I am super grateful for my neighbor and was really surprised that my W had the idea to call her. I didn't think that she would want me around so I didn't plan on staying long. I also took a bit of a risk in that I didn't call her before I stopped over. I just showed up and half expected her not to let me in the door. One of the complaints that she had about me was that I'm spontaneous though, so I have to show her that I can be. Although, I had this planned a couple days in advance, but she doesn't need to know that.

I'm pretty sure that her primary LL is Words of Affirmation, and I think that her secondary LL is Acts of Service. I need to read the book again though. She does like it when I get things for her or do something special, that could be her secondary too. It's hard to figure out, so maybe I should just do them all. I do a lot of little things for her that I probably haven't posted about.

you know, this might sound weird, but sometimes I think it's really fun to take care of your partner when they are sick.

It doesn't sound weird to me. I was really glad to be able to be there for her. I just wanted to make her as comfortable as possible and she must have been as she fell asleep in my arms.

Thanks for you input!
B

[bhopeful]

I just got this email from her:

Hey.
I just wanted to say thank you again for coming over last night to help take care of me.
I am still very sick. But hopefully soon I'll kick this thing!

If you are available to get together this week, I think we really need to talk seriously about some things between you and I.

And now I'm scared. I haven't replied yet. Any advice or wisdom as to how I should respond? I'm freaking out right now. I can't help but jump to the worst possible scenarios...

[Wooglint]

B,

It's easy to jump to the potential negatives, but you don't know where it is going so try to stay positive and calm. Given the level of communication you seem to be having I'd be surprised if long to chat.

Hoping for the best.

[bhopeful]

Thanks for the encouragement Woog. You're right in that I don't know what she wants to talk about. I just have a really bad feeling about it. Although she wants to meet at the house to talk, so maybe that's a good sign? Or maybe it's not, in that she's so detached from me and everything that we built in the marriage that the house is just another place.

All I know for sure is that I'm going to drive myself nuts in the next 28 or so hours. I'm going to be so nervous before she gets here. I know that I have to stay positive and calm, but I can feel myself falling apart. Today was the first time that I've cried in the past couple weeks. I cried because I'm so scared of what she's going to say. I guess that I'm not detached enough, but how do you stop yourself from caring?

[craig54]

b, dont beat yourself up. detaching is extremely hard. it takes time .try and pray. ask the Lord for guidance and patience. try not to think about what your wife wants to talk about. keep busy. i will pray for you.

[Kalni]

Hi B!
As Woog said, keep calm and positive. You have no idea what crosses her mind right now. You have no clue. So, think of it as another chance to use your DBing techniques with her again.

We are here if you need to let your anxiety/panic/fears out before you see her. It's very important to be your strong confident self no matter what she wants to talk about. It's another chance to show her the better person you have become. Don't waste this chance. Stay focused.

Kalni