Loving a WAS isn't easy

[mymonkeybug]

We are all doing the best we can. Similar we are in regards to your wife and I...H made the money and I managed the finances i.e paying the bills, buying the groceris, etc...at the same time I always wanted to give him everything he wanted and so we always had financial problems. As soon as there seemed to be some extra money there we would buy something and then regret it. We have owned 2 homes and almost lost them both to foreclosure but sved them both and the kids and I are still in home number 2 and it is really the only home they know since we moved here when S was 5 and D was 2. H and I agreed that we will not add anymore stress to their lives by taking away the only H they know as it is the only true security they have anymore right now. I also think in agreeing to that H felt relieved that I wasn't in panic mode anymore. See I tend to panic at the loss of control of my life and when he first dropped the bomb I went into instant panic mode and professed the need to sell the house and move away from the area and the memories, etc...and I know he didn't want that. Didn't want me or the kids to be that far away from him. Hell he moved into mom and dads which is only a 10 minute drive, about 12 miles away. I have packed up some of his stuf but he won't take the box. I made the mistake of packing all his clothes the day after he walked out and told him I couldn't bear looking at them and smelling him on them everytime I went into the closet to get dressed, that it was too painful for me and he said he understood and willingly took them. He probably saw it though as me pushing him away even more.

Anyway, sorry to get off on a tangent. Happens alot as I think of things. I am trying to clear out more clutter today. Me the packrat that needs to declutter my life regardless of whether he comes back or not. Hopefully he will see the changes and return to his family.