Thread locked H herte to get kids lately, we are at the park we walk everyday with neighbors....H Meets us there. and takes kids I walk home so we have not interacted much lately h seems so scarce and I guess if Im not arranging some time to be here when he comes, well he just goes with flow so we dont connect and the few times like wednesday i was here he seemsed angry and unwilling to talk so basically nothing has changed..except when I hardly talk to him I cant sense whats going on with him and we are very distant like when i went dim february here--1 year bomb peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
One year bomb drop....can't imagine. I don't reach this milestone until July. But doesn't it seem like a lot longer than a year? It seems forever to me.
What kind of schedule is your H on as far as having the kids?
Can you really sense what is going on with him when you do talk to him? I ask because I can't with mine. But we have no R talks. None.
W8ing I guess I cant really tell whats going on with him but when we connect I get a sense of closeness like hes still here,, anyway tonightr I kind hung around so I was here when they got back..so we talked a minute I see a broken man..looks ragged, tired depresed lost I feel like he feels ashamed and its hard for him to look me in eye so he must have a concious anyway then I go to leave car my new car doesnt start again 2 saturdays in row???? well H comes out to rescue me and this time he gets my little hybrid going I can see he cares..he waited as I left(babysitter was coming) I felt he was waiting to see if I was going to still leave with a car that could possbly not start again ..i waved bye
I still dont get it..probably never will..He obviously cares..loves his kids.appears to be ragged and broken..cant face me and I think he is still trying to run..run from the inevitable facing himself and god why cant they realize they are ruining everything in their lives? why are they so self destuctive? peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
why cant they realize they are ruining everything in their lives?
I've been thinking about this too and how much we are enabling them to run by DBing. I absolutely think we are doing the right thing, but I think we do such a good job of holding down the fort while they're gone that they don't sense the emotional damage they're creating in the children. For my H, since he still gets to see the kids every weekend and up until recently, he still had my attention and affection, there is/was no sense of loss.
Looking at the big picture, I think that the connection you still have is a good thing. I know it must be hard to feel that and H's being distant at the same time. If we really believe in this MLC stuff, remember that this is just as hard on him. Early on in a letter to me post-bomb, H said that the thing that was killing him the most was that he had somehow lost that connection with me and didn't know how to get it back. Looking back, I think he may have lost a romantic connection with me, but even after so much has happened, I know that a deeper connection still exists.
I still dont get it..probably never will..He obviously cares..loves his kids.appears to be ragged and broken..cant face me and I think he is still trying to run..run from the inevitable facing himself and god why cant they realize they are ruining everything in their lives? why are they so self destuctive?
Your H is depressed. He feels that life is passing him by. He feels like you and the kids don't understand him or are better off without him. He feels guilt for the mess he has made...for abandoning all of you...but he had to get away from what he thought was causing his unhappiness...and now he still isn't happy. It is a vicious cycle...a cycle that he has to break. You are doing well giving him his time and space. Just keep it going.
Did you ask your H about switching for Thursdays so you can play in the band? That would be great for you if you could get to do that.
That is so frustrating about your car. Nice that your H helped you get it started but scary thinking you could get stranded some place. What are you going to do?
Hope you are having a good weekend. I have so much to do so I better get away from this computer!
Hi SH and UD Im taking the car in tomorrow to see what the problem is..I know it will be ok and its working today??
H took day off from kids today due to superbowl..supposedly he has a party to attend tonight..
Its ok kind os a quiet day not much going on..hopefully me-kids can walk to park today..
thanks for your encouragement..I dremt I was crying woke up in pain in middle of night.. I hope this will have a happy ending..hopefully H will wake up soon..but I have to keep going .. sometimes I feel hopeful sometime moments it seems impossible..H seems so far away and shoes no signs of being the least bit interested in M.. peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
UD I asked H to switch to thursday nights..I lethim know how important it is to me..he said probably no.. can you believe this guy! I will ask again when H ismin good mood.. thanks peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Hi feeling a little sad today I want to focus on the good not sure whats going on with me seems like I do good for a while then maybe I get scared I miss him and I want a partner I hurt foir the kids so are so innocent yesterday we went to pool heated in florida another friend came with his dad my s6 was hanging on his dad too in pool and playing just like he used to with my H I rarely see H playing with kids like pre mlc then I feel bad for me and all 3 of us how did we get here? I have to go to get car fixed today and I have a lot of writing for work to finish and it will keep me busy I know God will take care of me and all of us as we are doing the right thing by DB and standing I know it is right.. It has pushed me to grow and understand more- be compassionate and alive than I can ever remember being so we have to have faith and in the end if out H return what a miracle everything we gained from this painful experience and our M back peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
feeling a little sad today I want to focus on the good not sure whats going on with me seems like I do good for a while then maybe I get scared
That is soooo normal
I know God will take care of me and all of us as we are doing the right thing by DB and standing I know it is right.. It has pushed me to grow and understand more- be compassionate and alive than I can ever remember being so we have to have faith
Exactly. peace, you are doing excellent. Just by what you say, shows growth.
I was reading yuor post and you do sound so sad, but good for you for keeping going and yes, this does make us be more compassionate. I'm amazed at the number of people who say to me to get angry, or tell him to get lost, or I should;ve cut all his trousers up, etc! I would rather be compassionate. I dont know whats going on with my BF either, or why he left, and he too couldnt look me in the eye for months and looks tired and depressed whenever I have seen him. He doesnt look like hes off having fun. So I think the only thing we can do, if you really love someone, is to forgive them for all the hurt they;ve caused and lack of empathy with your situation, and be compassionate.
I was interested in this comment above though..
Originally Posted By: still hoping
I've been thinking about this too and how much we are enabling them to run by DBing.
I was worried about this today...I have been so unemotional since christmas, not showing him the reality of my sitch or my feelings, it is like letting him off the hook in a way and may make him think I am ok with it now, I accept his decision. I dont know the answer to that. This site is aboud dbing, but I worry that its basically not being honest, so maybe nothing would ever change (for good or bad). Sounds like, at one year on, you feel it IS the right thing to do. I take heart from that!
Ali -------------------- Me: 36 H: 34 LT: 9 years ILYBINILWY: 2 Nov 07 Own apartment: 26 Jan 08 My sitch
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
