(((HUGS))) I'm so sorry, I know how hard this all is. its awful...the A and betrayals are bad enough, but this is just a whole new level.
my kids started going on sleepovers to daddy's house back in june. it was horrible at first. I spent the first weekend bawling my eyes out. then I learned that I really needed to make plans each weekend or I would go crazy. for the next few months I cried every single friday after he picked them up. but then I would dry my eyes, get changed, and go out and GAL. or sometimes I would stay in, but had definite plans. yes, I rearranged all the furniture, I re-organized my basement, I did lots of stuff like that. I kept busy. that is key. and eventually I was able to slow down...read a book, go to a movie, etc. But at first I couldn't focus, so had to keep moving.
I'll tell you, it was bizarre those first few weekends because I simply wasn't used to having free time. it was very disconcerting and threw me off. but then I started taking the bull by the horns, forced myself to reconnect with old friends, and to make new ones, and to make plans and after a few months I discovered something...I LIKED having free time. I liked being able to rediscover myself and things I liked to do separate from being a wife or a mother. don't get me wrong, I still hate that my kids leave, but after a while (probably sept or october) I stopped crying when they left, and the time that they were gone rushed by...instead of a day seeming like a week, it seemed like an hour.
it is not easy at first. but in the end, just know it will be what you make of it. look for the silver linings. fake it till you make it. at the very least just understand how wonderful it is that your H still wants to spend time with her, and know that it is important for her that he they do.
a book I highly recommend to read to your is mama and daddy bear's divorce. Since H and I weren't talking d yet when we separated, I used my black sharpee and changed D to separation, and it is only used a few times so it wasn't a big deal. it is a really lovely, gentle book that might help your d understand that its okay to be sad that mommy and daddy aren't living together, and that even though they aren't, they still love HER and she can still do her favorite things with each of them.
if you get it, read it thru on your own a few times first. I bawled my eyes out the first few times. its hard when this is NOT what we want for our kids, or ourselves.
stay strong. you will be okay...we're here for you. (((HUGS))) feel free to e-mail me thru my profile. will be thinking of you.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
