just a thought: when you are having these discussions I wouldn't be very vague, "it could go either way" way. I would be more positive (as you allready tried to be) and more assertive (is this a word?), confident about the outcome. Maybe point out a bit that the harder part is already behind you guys(TRUE), that sometimes couples need to hit rock bottom but then the way up is a one way (once both are clear that the want the marriage to work) (TRUE)etc. etc.
I believe you must think of what would give her a positive boost about the future, the energy that will allow her to give and change and enjoy and DREAM about your future.
I know DB principles are very strict to let them do the first step etc. etc. but your wife seems to have taken a few steps towards you and I believe she needs to be encouraged at this point. Just a thought... I am sure you have it all figured out.
