Wow..I see I missed out on some interesting conversation. First, I should own up to the fact that I have not been displaying my best form on this board. I come here normally upset, smoldering a short fuse, and searching for answers with an unabashed tone. I really should work on that. In contrast, some of you really inspire me with your unrelenting academic pursuits of viable improvements as you voice introspection and learn from shared experiences of others. Any way, this last post was "extra tainted" by steroids and heavy painkillers. Please pardon the lapse.
My biggest lesson of the last year is that there is some wisdom in Blackfoot's preaching. As a sensitive guy, I think, "gosh, if it were me I would do or think this". Then, when my wife does not mirror my expectations, I get hurt. Well, the reality is exactly as I stated, my W is just not sensitive in the same ways, nor does she process many topics in a way that I would. Of course "not being as sensitive" does not necessarily equate to malice. Though, the million dollar lesson for me has been, yes, I do actually need to tell my wife exactly what I need and want down to the lowest level. Expecting her to see the situation from my perspective is a huge setup for failure and heartbreak. No, my wife does not intentionally "kick my puppy". Though, like it or not, this is the way it has to be if I choose to stay married to this woman.
This situation outlined here is a perfect example. You all read my perspective of the story. Apparently, my voicing of the situation resonated clearly and was understood by some, but internalized differently by others. Though, ironically, after talking even more with my wife, I have been able to see more of where her head was. She focused on her 70 year old mother directly reaching out and asking her to emotionally repay an owed debt. My wife's family is basically estranged, so this is a very rare and significant event. Then, when presented with my illness, my wife looked to me as the "stronger manly man" and head of household with the duty of putting family first. Putting those two things together, my wife filled in that I should sacrifice for her mother. Thus, in her head, she took actions she thought respected the nature of not just her morality, but mine as well. Plus, don't forget, no one is their best under the duress of two closest family members in serious condition.
When I wrote the post, my wife and I were in two completely different head spaces and viewing this dilemma from polar vantage points. My wining, feeling lonely, and being upset accomplished nothing. The smarter thing to do, and what I hope to do next time, is to just bear all my thoughts directly and in detail, even when I cannot possibly understand why she does not see it my way.
As a health update, MIL is doing great and recovering well. As for me, I am home and vastly improving too. I have had my good and bad days, but hanging in there. Oh, now that we have talked and come to more of an understanding, my W is coming home to be by my side for what will undoubtedly be a very unpleasant Tuesday. I have to admit, I feel a lot better just knowing she will be there with me. Feeling loved and supported is powerful medicine indeed.
Thanks to all who offered such emotional and valuable insight on this. I sincerely appreciate and value your shared wisdom. I only hope that my contributions are of some value to others as well.
By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. -- Socrates