Thanks for the reviews. What you said the book covers brought tears to my eyes. I will be ordering them ASAP. I love to hear and read what previous WAS's went through. I feel it is so beneficial to us the LBS's to get that glimpse into the mindset of our WAS's and in turn helps us to do an even better job at being patient and fixing US the LBS for the betterment of ourselves and our marriages. Going to the website now to order.
Both 35 T 19/M 15 years S8/D5 It's over bomb/ILYBNILWY 12-22-07
Thank you for your comfort. Today has been a trial so far. I will make it through and try to do better tomorrow. I also am very interested the books if I can find $20 I will order them asap. You guys don't know it, but you make a huge difference in my life by just being there.
-B
Me-45 W-34 T-5 M-3 1/2 s-10 s-12 ILYBNILWY 12/26/07 Sleeping away from home at friend's house(because she says she can't get any sleep otherwise) 1/14/08 1/25/08 We tell kids she is moving out
We are all in the same boat just using different paddles...lol. We are all here for each other and I appreciate everyone's openess here about their sit. and their willingness to help me with mine and also learn from mine.
Let's agree to keep posting together here and helping each other and learning together.
Both 35 T 19/M 15 years S8/D5 It's over bomb/ILYBNILWY 12-22-07
It just seems that each time I feel like I am taking a step forward that I do something that pushes me two steps back. Ugh!
Me-45 W-34 T-5 M-3 1/2 s-10 s-12 ILYBNILWY 12/26/07 Sleeping away from home at friend's house(because she says she can't get any sleep otherwise) 1/14/08 1/25/08 We tell kids she is moving out
Oh same here and I think as we progress with our DB'ing those times will start to cease as we get to be professionals at DB'ing. Hell look at me lastnight in my drunken stooper calling his cell all night and texting him horrid things to which he accepted my apology this a.m. and said he knows how I get when I get wasted on liqour. So I now know that the liqour and I are a NO NO while I DB. Don't get me wrong, I am not an alcoholic, just an occasional social drinker, very occasional, the last time I drank like that was in June 07'.
Both 35 T 19/M 15 years S8/D5 It's over bomb/ILYBNILWY 12-22-07
I just find that I struggle sometimes. I think I am doing okay and then I have a meltdown and feel like my heart has been ripped out all over again. The thing is I KNOW how I should be acting, but when I am hurting I just go into this stupid auto-pilot mode.
I need someone to tell me over and over and over again not to react. Maybe if I have "As if..." tattooed on the back of my hand I will remember to act that way. Then again maybe it wouldn't do any good.
You know, the worst part about all of this is when I think about how much my W adored me and that I just let the very best thing to ever happen to me slip away. I have pity parties from time to time, but that isn't what I am talking about here. I really had it all (all that I ever could have dreamed of) and now it may be gone.
Part of me totally understands how she must feel since she gave me her heart so completely and I didn't give her the love in return that she needed. And part of me doesn't have a clue as to how someone could love me that much and just completely shut it off and not be willing to forgive me and give me the chance to prove myself in our M.
I will keep after this and with your help and the help of others here on DB I may have a chance at turning my family right side up again. I pray everyday that we all get that chance. I believe in marriage and I believe in love and I believe that God hears my prayers. Now if I could just shake this feeing of impending doom that I get each time I talk with my W maybe I'd be able to focus a little bit better.
Thank you for being by my side I can use all the encouragement I can get.
-B
Me-45 W-34 T-5 M-3 1/2 s-10 s-12 ILYBNILWY 12/26/07 Sleeping away from home at friend's house(because she says she can't get any sleep otherwise) 1/14/08 1/25/08 We tell kids she is moving out
I don't know how that happened. I guess the moderator thought this thread would be better in this forum. I originally put it in the WAS forum to get attention of current or former WAW's. If you guys can still find the thread then I guess it doesn't matter what forum it is in.
I ordered the books that you suggested. I have to say that I am really working hard on my R. I wish my W would contribute even one tenth of the effort I am putting into our M. It appears to me that she feels like going to the MC is enough. I think it is a start, but man, I am really scrambling here to try to figure this out.
I don't want to lose my family OR my W. I really can't say anything, all I can do is try to show her that I am worth another try and that I am worthy of her love again.
I apologize for going on and on tonight. I have just had a bit of a frustrating day and W decided to keep the boys so I am home alone with the dog and need to vent.
I made it through today and I will get up tomorrow and do my best to make it through another day. I include you in my prayers and hopefully I can be there for you, MMB and so many others who have been there for me.
-B
Me-45 W-34 T-5 M-3 1/2 s-10 s-12 ILYBNILWY 12/26/07 Sleeping away from home at friend's house(because she says she can't get any sleep otherwise) 1/14/08 1/25/08 We tell kids she is moving out
B, Hang in there. I am glad you ordered the books. Please let me know what you think of them. Also check out the 2 books that Summer recommended to me. They are free to download from Erin Thiel's website restoreministries.org. They are "How God Can Restore Your Marriage" and "A Wise Woman" (which probably can apply to a man as well). I have only just found the today so will have to read them before commenting on them.
Don't apologize for venting. It's natural and good to do so. This is what the board is for. Better to vent here than to your W or people who can pass it on to her.
It's great that she's willing to go to MC. I wish my H would go to MC with me... Keep working on YOURSELF and she'll be able to see your changes. It takes time so please be patient.
It's hard. Time has a wonderful way of passing and of helaing hurts.
So the kids live with you and your W only has them on weekends? Take care. I will pray for you. Another great book is "Power of a Praying Husband". I use "Power of a Praying Wife" to pray for my H - 10 prayers a night (out of 30 in the book) so I cycle through the 30 prayers every 3 days. I have found my prayers answered.
Have you considered using the library? There are many books that are helpful and you may be able to find some in your local library. Books like: 1) "Love & Repsect" - excellent. It talks about how woman need to be loved unconditionally. 2) "Five Love Languages" 3) "Five Languages of Apology" -PH
I will let you know what I think of the books when I get them. I did read some of the sample pages online and was thinking it would be good to have them. Thank you for suggesting them.
I will download the other books Monday as I am about to fall asleep here at my computer. LOL.
The boys are splitting time between the W and me. She moved out of the family home and into an apartment she shares with a friend (male). The boys stay with her some and here at home some. I asked her if she didn't believe that since we were turning the family so upside down that maybe it would be a good idea for us to try to keep their daily routine more in tact. (ie: sleeping in their own bed, eating breakfast at home, and going to school the same way they did before mom and dad started having problems). At first W resisted, but I think she may soften to the idea. We will talk to the boys about it tomorrow.
I have to tell you that I have unconditional love for both my kids and my W. It hurts me to see any of them in pain. I just hope that all the work I have done to this point, and the efforts I plan to continue won't be in vain. I know that I will benefit as a result of the work on me, but I really want this family to work. Keep your fingers crossed for me and feel free to drop me into any prayers that may have some extra space.
Good night and God bless you.
-B
Me-45 W-34 T-5 M-3 1/2 s-10 s-12 ILYBNILWY 12/26/07 Sleeping away from home at friend's house(because she says she can't get any sleep otherwise) 1/14/08 1/25/08 We tell kids she is moving out
