Well I havent posted in a while but wanted to fill you all in on my last week and keep the journaling going. I have taken down all of our pictures in the house and replaced them with pic's of my family and friends because they are the ones helping me through this difficult time the most right now. My H came by again last thursday and left me a note not to worry about us changing over the cell phone plan yet and that he wouldn't mind doing that later in sept. when the plan is up. He was again really nice and thankful in his note. He didn't make any comments about the pictures being changed. I went to his parents house for dinner last wednesday and it went well. This was our first visit since H has left me the 2nd time. They gave me wonderful christmas gifts and we had a nice conversation mostly about me and how I am doing and my life. However, My H's name did come up and we did chat about our Sitch for a bit. His parents are mostly scared of my H commiting suicide right now or if his new business fails on him. They are also very concerned and worried for my safety and said to me not to meet up with him unless if its in a public place. They said they are worried that he would maybe try to end my pain too if he ever did try suicide. They want me to get a new lock for my doors again, and Father in Law even said he wants to put them in for me. I told them though that I trust my H not to ever do that, and we never see each other and that I feel safe and fine. His mom said that it sounds to her that my H is doing a lot of reflecting (journaling) and spending a lot of time alone. He has only visited his family once since he left me over the holidays. The night his family got together was to see his brothers new apartment him and his girlfriend are renting. His parents said he only stayed a short while, and as soon as dinner was done he left. His mom said that he will talk to her on the phone for a little bit this time around, unlike after he left the first time. She said he is being much more kind and gentle to her now when compared to last summer. We are all so afraid of his state of mind and what he might do to end his pain, this is getting really heavy and hard to not have constant nightmares. I am so scared to loose my H in a deeper sence. I cherish him, and can't help him except for praying for him. I told my inlaws about being invited by my friend to the black tie affair, and they were happy to see that I am going to go out and get dolled up and have a good time. They kept telling me that I deserve it and were happy to see that I am still enjoying life in many ways. The black tie affair was so nice and fun yesterday. We had a blast and I met so many really nice people that were all in the mood to dance and have fun. My friend ended up winning 875$ on the roulette table. We danced all night and had a great dinner, and went to his bosses suite for an after party. Then we also went to a new night club with all his work buddies after that. We ended up meeting up with my parents in his room(cause we left them a key) @ 3:30 in the morning, and my rents drove me home. It was a wonderful evening and my friend respected my wishes and treated me really well all night. Today I was floored, I ended up winning 400$ dollars on a super bowl board through my bowling alley. This is the second largest thing I think I have ever won - next to the trip I won last week. It's like I am having really good Kharma coming my way lately. I better go play the lotto. Take care all, TIPPER
