I think it is still fear that keeps people stuck in these SSM. Fear of the other person basically saying, you're not worth it.
In my case, it's not fear. It is reconciling myself to the prospect that if (when) I divorce my wife I will be in the position of having to support two households while only getting to see my children every other weekend.
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LFL: It's been 10 years of no sex.
I wish I hadn't written that. Seeing others write that makes me feel like a real freak. I thought I had gotten over that feeling.
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She needs to see you mean action. I don't know what that means for you and your M. In my M, it basically meant I was one foot out the door and he saw it...because I told him....and meant it. That's all I can say. Only say it if you Really mean it.
LFL
Yes. It has taken me a really long time to get to the point where I could both say it and mean it. Because I really like being a father and my role will be drastically diminished should we divorce. For a long time I felt trapped. But, now that I'm emotionally ready to divorce, I feel free. I'm not just free to leave, I'm also free to stay. I hold the key. And this has lightened my interactions with W quite a bit. I don't have the same anxiety over the individual outcomes and have a slightly better ability to see the big picture over where our relationship is headed.
BTW, when you had "one foot out the door", were you worried you would have to leave your house, support your husband financially, and that you would only be allowed to see your children every other weekend? If that's what having one foot out the door looked like to you, how would that have colored your decision making process?
SM
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." Henry David Thoreau
