She's Gone - No Contact

[NikB]

Atlas - you're right on with what I was saying/thinking. I know what you mean, it helps to write it in your own words sometimes.

She didn't even send me a Christmas card although I sent her one and took a gift to her house.

She probably really hated the fact that you did these things.. shows more clinging, then the text you sent later added to it with a guilt trip.

She didn't even call to thank me for the gift until I sent her a text asking if she got it 2 days later.

Because she probably didn't appreciate GETTING the gift...

What would you do to "test the waters?" Call, text, card?

Right now?? NOTHING. Don't even worry or think about this for now - turn the focus to you and getting yourself happy and whole. Give yourself a "I won't even think about contacting her before ____" date, and that'll give you some "freedom" to focus on you, I think.

I'm losing my usual hope with this house drama. If she sells that house, I would imagine that I'll never see her again.

Maybe, maybe not.. but I imagine there's some way you can reach her right? So I wouldn't worry too much about the house.

Lots of incredible memories. I am a hard core sentimentalist and would really get a lot of pleasure from living there.

Holding on to those memories means holding on to an R that is OVER. I understand the feeling, really I do. I had a very weird moment last year when all of a sudden I lost my "attachment" to our house - but it's been VERY freeing. Like you I'm very sentimental - I think that makes it even MORE important not to cling to the house. Can you imagine making new memories in the future in that house? Really wonderful memories alone, and/or with someone else?? Can you imagine living there with an amazing person that you meet 5 years from now?

I know both of you said NO, don't buy the house and I will certainly give that some thought BUT I really do just love the house, where it's located, not totally for the sentimental value.

I think the 1. love the house and 2. where it's located are great, but the 3. sentimental value makes me think it's a very bad idea to buy the house.

Also.. are you using that as an excuse to contact her? Another reason against it.. VERY clingy. In fact if you put in an offer on the house I bet she will be VERY unhappy with the intrusion and pressure, and it might well be the end of your R permanently. (it shows you snooped, found an excuse to contact her, and were so obsessed w/her that you're buying the house you two spent a lot of time in.. I can see her turning down any offer you made just for those reasons)

I would never be sad thinking that's where we made most of our memories. Just the opposite. It would be comforting. Is that crazy?

No, not crazy at all. It's comforting to be stuck in the past sometimes. But that's not a way to move forward and build a new happy life. I bet eventually it would be sad or at least bittersweet.