I am so glad you downloaded the books. I wish the audio tapes were still available -- b/c listening to Erin talk on the tapes is so friendly and comfortable. It is like listening to your best friend. She is just so "girl friend-y" in her style. If you ever can find them available online BUY THEM.
What Erin did was to offer me hope and understanding.
She offered me great insight about what had happened at the encounter with my xH -- and she completely analyzed the encounter and explained it to me.
She told me that while I had indeed -- very sadly very much missed an opportunity that God had provided to me and my xH -- it wasn't the end. And she explained to me just how much God had revealed to me about my xH's feelings for me through this encounter.
And much more importantly -- that God had used the encounter to reveal to me -- just how much MORE work I still needed to do -- if there was ever going to be a restoration possible.
Up until that point, I truly thought I was 100% ready for restoration.
That I had already done all the work I would ever need to do! And in truth...I HAD indeed done a lot of work and made many changes.
BUT...after finding DB and Erin...I now knew I had SO MUCH more work to do...so many more changes to make -- SO much more maturing to do.
It turned out that I was actually only just at the BEGINNING of the journey...NOT the end!
Quite a stunning and humbling awakening!
I was learning that it wasn't enough to understand it all intellectually -- but that I was now being called upon to ACT -- to demonstrate by my choices -- that I could actually LIVE by God's word and principles.
Believe me...there is a huge difference from the intellectual level of understanding -- to moving to the actual DOING it level.
And not just doing it once...but forevermore.
That the changes weren't for show...they had to be integrated into the very essence of my being.
For me, it was the beginning of learning about surrender.
And obedience.
And trust.
And faith.
And patience.
And self-containment.
And self-restraint.
And unselfishness.
And very importantly...I had to start DEMONSTRATING unconditional love BEFORE I saw one drop of change or kindness from my xH.
And THAT was VERY difficult to do.
That is the truest 180 in the world that anyone who has been betrayed and devastated -- will ever have to choose to make.
I have changed SO MUCH...and I just look back in astonishment at how far I've come -- and in total disbelief that I thought way back then that I had "arrived" -- when in reality -- I was just about to begin the greatest journey of my life.
I think the most valuable lesson -- out of a treasure trove of lessons -- is that I now fully understand that the goal and focus was not ever supposed to be on my marriage being restored.
If that had happened it would have been a side benefit.
What I know now is that the purpose of the journey was to establish my relationship with God as my primary focus.
And that once you put God first in your life...everything else falls into place. And with that understanding comes the greatest gift of all...peace.
