Priorities and tests of strength

[Burgbud]

(Mrs.Cac) Brian wrote that his wife told him that if he asked her to come home she would. Brian thought he shouldn't have to ask. IMO, if he wanted her to come home he should have said so.

Perhaps I'm reading it wrong but what I saw was she didn't tell him that she'd come home if he asked her to until after his second round of trouble, including the two hospitalizations and surgery. When he text'd her about being in the hospital during his relapse he was on some serious morphine and may not have been in the best position to ask for what he wanted.

He wrote:

I will spare the details other than to say that I was in pretty bad shape. Still doped on two drips of a morphine equivalent, I text messaged both my wife and mother, each of them thousands of miles away from me, and let them know what was going on. My mother boarded the very next flight and was by my side the next morning. My wife on the other hand, called several times to tell me she would be thinking of me and wished me well.

So, here is the crux of my dilemma. Yes, my MIL was recovering from a serious procedure. Though, during that time, I was hospitalized twice, underwent surgery, suffered a great deal, and spent many very turbulent touch-and-go evenings with no one but my mother lying on couch next to me. No, I never asked my wife to find another sibling to fill in for caring for their mother so that my wife could come home to me. However, I did not think it should be my place to ask.

...and then later:

I think my W sensed how upset I am after our brief conversation last night as she called very early this morning. LFL, I took your advice and told her point blank how I feel about her absence during this whole thing. I explained that I understand and respect her devotion to her mother, but that as her Husband, I would expect a degree of reconsidering priorities.

My W asked me what I want her to do. I know this is a bit selfish, but I said that if I relapse next week and end up hospitalized in a life-threatening situation again, I would really appreciate it if she would come home. Specifically, that would mean my W would have to undertake the unpleasant task of asking one of the other two sisters to come and take over care of her mom. My W responded, "Of course, just ask me to come home and I will". I don't know if it is the steroids or the Percocet, but I snapped back, "No, I am not asking you to make value judgments, nor am I going to "ask" you to come home. You need to make your own decisions as to what is important here."

This whole thing puts me in mind of Blackfoot's point that the only reason a man should let his woman see his puppy is to demonstrate that he'll take it back when she kicks it, and kick it she will.

Women want men to trust them with our vulnerabilities but don't think it's necessary for Brian's W to have come back under life threatening conditions. It's his responsibility to tell her that's what he wants when he's lying in the hospital hooked up to morphine.

I told you Blackfoot's a genius.