Thanks guys for the advice. I will check out that book. And, my H does usually seem to direct his anger/frustration at me. He admits to me and MC that when something irritates/upsets him, he pushes it down repeatedly until one day it all comes out in an inappropriate way, usually unrelated to whatever was upsetting him in the first place. I tend to bear the brunt of his anger and have for several years. Your messages helped me to remind myself: 1)He is about to quit his job, which is a big deal 2)He is about to start a new job, which is a big deal 3)He has to move tons of hay which he doesn't have enough time to do and is no doubt making him feel trapped 4)He wants to be working on house projects to get it ready to put on the market, and doesn't have time to do so b/c of the hay situation 5)He just decided within the past month that he wants to work on his M and that will eat up a lot more time, with the MC, spending time talking to me, etc. Time he doesn't have right now b/c of the above list of issues
So for me to be a prima donna cry baby right now and pout, or to demand that he "pay attention/be nice to me" would just annoy the crap out of him. His reaction would basically be, "Do you have any idea how much $#it I have to do right now??"
I need to remember that he is juggling a lot of plates right now and I do not want to be the reason they come crashing down. I want him to remember this time as a time when I helped keep the plates spinning, or at the very least (probably to his preference actually) I stayed out of his way so he could keep them spinning the way he wanted them to spin. If I come running in throwing my plates (trust issues, need for affection and attention, etc) at him, it will not make our relationship better.
Part of me is a little bitter b/c I feel like our M should be priority #1 to him, since it affects us, our kids, our family, our future, etc. But to him I know the job thing and the hay thing are more pressing b/c there will be immediate consequences if he screws them up. Those people he answers to don't love him, they don't have to be supportive. I love him and I can be supportive. So I should try my best to do so.
Well I guess I sort of just tried to give myself a pep talk. I was hoping you guys would give me one....Do you think I am on the right track? Just wait until the dust settles on the job change/hay delivery, etc. and then see if he turns his attention to our R/M??
