From my perspective, if I was to say that to you, with my head sort of hanging, I would only be saying it because I was feeling so damn bad about you being gone.
That's a very interesting insight. And I think you are very right about needing to "miss you" longer. Thank you so much for giving me this perspective. I thought it might be a way of throwing guilt back on me.
My latest routine of dropping 5D off at WAW by letting 5D knock on the door, waiting for WAW to answer, and be in my truck driving away as door opens might help this "miss you" concept. I've done this Monday, Saturday, and Sunday as of late. If nothing else, I don't get sucked into some twisted game looking for hope in-between everything said and done.
Picked up 5D for church this morning...WAW and 5D were next door at her grandmother's. It would've been nice to known that while I waited 10 minutes for them. Anyhow, invited in house, and 5D showed me stuff then WAW continued getting 5D ready. When 5D came out I was still playing with the dog and even put the dog toy in my mouth. 5D really laughed about it. 5D and WAW made a comment like gross. I was having a good time. Then WAW turned walking to end of the house, "bye" in a sort of irritated way. I had already asked 5D is she ready so this was kind of a silly show on WAW's part. Whatever. No telling why she was kind of irritated, maybe just because I was in such a care-free, happy mood.
BTW, Her house is still an absolute wreck. Think she is down and depressed. I did notice a bulletin board in WAW bedroom with her name on it with index cards of one word qualities of her. Like mother, etc...I have no idea what that's all about. Probably a reflection of her confusion.
Took 5D to chinese restraunt after church. We had fun. WAW knows I hate chinese but I am trying new things. 5D wanted to give WAW her fortune. It said something like, "when you are down reach out to an old friend." WAW lost a lot of friends over this so it's ironic if nothing else. And I get the bonus that 5D shows WAW another 180 for me. I would have never gone before.
I feel like my WAW stuck her head out the castle walls about 1-2weeks ago to check out the picnic but got spooked and closed the curtains...lmao...
Ok, agree that I should hold off on card...what thing different can I do. Driving off when I drop off 5D knocked the anger out of her before so...Can't hurt I suppose. I guess more "darkness" and time.
this is just way to long a post...thanks for reading...
