Thanks for the post and the comments. I get strength to do this from each and everyone of you who offer me support. I AM going to do this.
I understand that Sandi was trying to help me, but I have already been down the road of doubt and pain. I don't really care what is happening so much as moving toward the ultimate goal of putting my family back together. Sandi may be right and it may be a longer road that I was hoping, but you know, every day that she is gone is longer than I was hoping for.
I am going to hang in there and take whatever pain is dished out to me and continue to fight for my family. Sure, I have my days of darkness, gloom and doubt, but I also have the times where I see a light at the end of the tunnel. It is faint but it is there. I just pray that it isn't an oncoming train. LOL.
I know that something changed my W and that I had a part in it, but I also know that while she is hurting she can know that I will stand committed to her and our family. Her faith (or lack there of) in me is of little consequence at this point. I can tell her what I will do until I am blue in the face and it won't mean a damn thing unless I live it.
So stand back and watch me. I WILL do this. The survival of my family depends on it.
-B
Me-45 W-34 T-5 M-3 1/2 s-10 s-12 ILYBNILWY 12/26/07 Sleeping away from home at friend's house(because she says she can't get any sleep otherwise) 1/14/08 1/25/08 We tell kids she is moving out
My sentiments exactly. My family depends on me being the stronger partner in the marriage right now. I am standing for my marriage and this is simply one of those BAD times that we committed to staying together through...Through Good Times and Bad...
Both 35 T 19/M 15 years S8/D5 It's over bomb/ILYBNILWY 12-22-07
You and I are in very similar sitchs. I want you to know that you can and you will make it through this "tough time". It is our time to shine and become the spouses that our families need.
I love my W and my boys too much to give up anytime soon. Keep up the great work and we'll be the ones smiling when we end up on the other side with stronger, more committed, and loving Rs!
Have a great day and stay strong. I am here if you need to share.
-B
Me-45 W-34 T-5 M-3 1/2 s-10 s-12 ILYBNILWY 12/26/07 Sleeping away from home at friend's house(because she says she can't get any sleep otherwise) 1/14/08 1/25/08 We tell kids she is moving out
Thanks so much. I know I have a lot to do, but I am rolling up my sleeves and getting to work. I appreciate your support more than you know.
-B
Me-45 W-34 T-5 M-3 1/2 s-10 s-12 ILYBNILWY 12/26/07 Sleeping away from home at friend's house(because she says she can't get any sleep otherwise) 1/14/08 1/25/08 We tell kids she is moving out
I am having a tough morning. The W showed up to church getting out of the OM's car. I was devastated. I just wanted to kill the guy. Our family home is across the street from the church and they parked in front of our home.
S12 got out and dashed into church. OM walked into church as I stared him down and W came over to me. She was very pleasant to me and it felt like she was acting that way out of guilt. She told me I looked nice and then asked me what was bothering me. I told her that I just watched my family get out of another man's car and that she should put herself in my shoes if she wanted to know what was bothering me. She said that it was to save gas that they came together in her car. This from the woman who won't ride to the boy's roller hockey games with me to save gas. I know I should be strong and let this roll off of my back, but it just hurts so much.
I made it through the service, told the boys to have fun watching the Super Bowl with their mom and that I would see them later then I got in my truck and came to work.
I am really hurting right now. I know it will pass and I will gather my strength again and get back to the job at hand, but I need to regroup first. This is just so hard.
Sometimes I feel like I can do this and am full of confidence and yet other times I just feel like I am drowning. I know you guys know what I am talking about. I guess I just need a hug.
-B
Me-45 W-34 T-5 M-3 1/2 s-10 s-12 ILYBNILWY 12/26/07 Sleeping away from home at friend's house(because she says she can't get any sleep otherwise) 1/14/08 1/25/08 We tell kids she is moving out
(((B))) Yep, it's tough and very hurtful. It was insensitive of your W to even ask what's bothering you. She should have known. She probably does feel the guilt and probably trying to prove to herself that it's OK, especially since she and OM are going to church. This is very similar to what Bob Steinkemp did during his separation from his wife Charlyne. He wrote about this is his 2 books (available from rejoiceministries.org). The books are Prodigals Do Come Home and The Prodigal's Perspective .
HUGE hugs to you. I can imagine how you must feel. My heart goes out to you. Please keep your chin up and let out a great big cry if and whenever you need to.
PH-
These Prodigal items...worth investing in? They seem interesting and I just might get them. Your honest opinion/review would be helpful to many of us standers. THANKS!!
Both 35 T 19/M 15 years S8/D5 It's over bomb/ILYBNILWY 12-22-07
MMB, B, My honest opinion on these 2 books is they are very worthwhile read. They show us LBS what is most probably going through the WAS' brain. He talks about how the WAS tries to show us LBSs that they are doing well and how they are always watching and assessing what's going on in the LBS' situation. They stay away out of stubborness/guilt. It's the compassion and faithful stand/prayers of the LBS that eventually bring them home. It serves the LBS to continue to be kind, patient with the WAS, and for the LBS to change permanently. The WAS will notice the changes.
My H noticed changes in me on the day he moved out. Over the next 9 months, he saw more and more changes but remained torn due to the fact that he has issues that he needs to resolve before he can be with me. And he's nervous that he can't change himself. I think this is the main reason we're still apart. Recently, he has seen through an incident at work, that I am not the only one he gets angry at. And he said he needed to do some work on himself. So hopefully he is working on himself now.
MMB, ALso in the 2 books, Bob relates many many incidents to prove his points. He also has done the research to show that other WASs have gone through the same experiences. He assures that the WAS thinks about the LBS much much more than we LBSs realize, especially if we keep a close walk with God. Because God answers the prayers of those who believe in him. The books talks about his wife Charlyne's committed belief in God and her untiring efforts at praying for her H to come home to her and the family.
