BT - Stay in this forum, there are real pros here such as Hound Dog and Dom R. You are trying to avoid separation, so you can get a lot of good advice right here.
You are on the roller coaster and it is normal to feel like your spouse is trying to destroy you. Your wife has "demonized" you in order to justify her actions. The more you push, the more she will pull. There is no logic here.
The best thing you can do right now for her and YOU is to give her a lot of space. Stay the hell away from her right now. Go hit golf balls, hang out with your kids or friends, enjoy the superbowl, lots of fun things to do without W.
You did nothing wrong!
You are not an alcoholic, you did not beat your wife, you are not a drug addict, you did not sqaunder the kids college funds, you did not cheat.
You are a normal American Alpha male who provided an amazing life for their family.
I beat myself up for 4 months thinking of all of the things I could have done differently - pointless. All it does is lead to anxiety and depression. That you do not need!
