I just got back from picking up the kids at W's (I was asked to stay for lunch btw) and we had a really good talk with D14 about her school issue and our separation. D14 said that "in all honesty, I was relieved when you guys separated. There was no more fighting and screaming between you. Now, things seem a lot better" She began to cry when we mentioned the possiblity of getting counselling, "why does everyone think I need counselling!" We reassured her that we don't necessarily think that BUT it is available if she feels she wants it. We assured her that she could always talk to us too. I told her that I sometimes go to a Psychologist to talk and it's OK to do that.I also told her that sometimes I too just sit down and cry, without always knowing why. That's OK too. Of course, W had nothing to say about this "feeling" stuff except "let's not over psychologize here". Little steps, little steps! So, all in all it went well. We talked for about 45 minutes, we invited D10 to join us once the school issue was discussed, but she giggled and said she didn't want to talk about this right now. OK, there's always another time. We just want them to feel that "another time" is always available. Hey, during the discussion W actually said "your father is making a good point" OMG, small miracles! fish, the one thing you learn in these sitches is that the only person you can control is yourself, if we could make our S's behave the way we want we wouldn't be on the DB site in the first place! All you can do is encourage your D to tell mom how she feels, you continue to listen and be loving and encourage your Mom to do the same. That's the best I can give ya!
