BA, Are you OK? Your situation sounds really scary. I have been praying for you and your H. I hope that you are OK and that your H is OK and leveling out.
I think that he probably doesn't realize this right now, but you are probably a surrogate angel for him right now, to watch out for him and make sure that he doesn't do anything to hurt himself. You must be so strong to be able to withstand this unbelievable challenge of the person you love so much hurting you and being so self-destructive at the same time.
The only thing I can think of is that this is so, so, so not about you and your R but about what is going on inside your H. And even his flip-flopping from a week ago taking strong steps towards reconciliation to this past week being so ugly to you doesn't mean he's not moving towards you... or that he won't in the end. It just sounds like he has some real ugly demons inside that are taking over his brain right now. It must hurt so much for him to lash out at you, but I am glad he is actually opening up to someone who cares about what is going on, even if he is doing it in a way that is extremely hurtful.
I really don't think that he is losing it or on the verge of dying because he is with you. It's just that you are the closest person to his heart and he is taking out all of his frustration with his life on you. But the fact that you can say you would rather have him happy and alive and apart from you than the other way around.... that is True Love, BA.
Please let us know how the weekend went. I hope that having your kid home smoothed things out a little bit??
